


Know Your Smashers

by Latias425



Category: Super Smash Brothers
Genre: Gen, Humor, Lies, Parody, Verbal Humiliation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-06
Updated: 2018-06-21
Packaged: 2018-11-09 23:19:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 64
Words: 19,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11115000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Latias425/pseuds/Latias425
Summary: A parody of the All That sketch "Know Your Stars" in which the evil announcer tells us important "facts" about the smashers.





	1. Mario

There seemed to be an abandoned room in the middle of nowhere, the only thing in the room being a seat and a light shining over it. It was none other than the dreaded "Know Your Stars" studio. The first guest just so happened to be a certain Italian plumber, who took his place in the hot seat as the announcer started to echo.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Who said that? Who's-a there?" Mario asked, but his questions wouldn't be answered as the announcer went on.

_**Mario...he's a hallucinogenic drug dealer.** _

"That's not-a true. I'm not associated with-a any drugs." Mario stated, trying to correct the announcer.

_**Don't deny it. We all know you love to do shrooms.** _

"Those mushrooms I collect aren't-a drugs! I swear!" Mario protested.

_**Mario...was born in a family of criminals.** _

"I was not-a born from any criminals!" Mario exclaimed. "I am not-a some kind of bad guy! I'm-a 100% good!"

_**...Are you sure about that? That's not what I heard.** _

"What are you-a talking about?" Mario asked. The announcer didn't answer and instead showed him a magazine of a criminal family with his face plastered on one of them. "That's not-a me! You just took some criminal magazine and-a put my face on one of the people!"

_**Uh...no, I didn't. Mario...once killed a man.** _

"I did-a no such thing!" Mario exclaimed once again. "I would-a never do anything so vile! I'm not-a some kind of criminal, I'm just a normal Italian plumber!"

_**Now you know the hallucinogenic drug dealing criminal, Mario!** _

"No, you-a don't!" Mario cried out.

_**Yes you do!** _

"I'm-a telling you, I'm not a criminal! I was-a never born one, nor will I ever be one! Don't believe-a any of the things the announcer just said! They're all lies! Are you-a even there? Hello?"


	2. Donkey Kong

A certain gorilla with a tie now took his place in the hot seat as the announcer began to echo.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"What was that?" Donkey Kong asked, but he got no response. Instead, the announcer just went on with the "facts".

_**Donkey Kong...has an IQ of -200.** _

"Okay, I'm sure it isn't that low." Donkey Kong stated, trying to correct the announcer. "Just because I'm an ape, it doesn't automatically mean I'm stupid."

_**Yes, it does. Donkey Kong...likes bananas so much that he uses them for personal pleasure.** _

"Now what kind of nonsense is that?!" Donkey Kong exclaimed in both shock and disgust. "I do love my bananas, but not to the point of pleasuring myself with them!"

_**Of course you would you stupid, naughty ape!** _

"I'm not stupid and naughty!" Donkey Kong cried.

_**Yes, you are! Donkey Kong...owns an animal strip club.** _

"I don't any kind of strip club! I would never think of doing anything like that!"

_**Now you know the stupid, naughty ape, Donkey Kong!** _

"I'm telling you, none of this is true about me! They're all lies! Ask anyone I know, they will tell you the truth! Hello? Are you still there?"


	3. Yoshi

The next person, or rather a certain green dinosaur now took the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Hello? Is anyone there?" Yoshi asked, getting a bit freaked out.

_**Yoshi...is a bisexual.** _

"Well, I don't think I am. I'm actually a dinosaur." Yoshi stated. "What is a bisexual, anyway?"

_**I'm not telling you.** _

"Oh, come on. Tell me what it is. I really gotta know." Yoshi demanded, but the announcer wouldn't answer his questions.

_**Yoshi...likes to get laid.** _

"Get laid? What does that mean?" Yoshi asked.

_**It means...you like to get laid!** _

"No, I mean what does the term mean?" Yoshi asked again, but he got no response. "Are you even gonna answer my question?"

_**Nope. Yoshi...has abnormal growth in his abdomen.** _

"Okay, I don't think I have any kind of strange growth on any part of my body!" Yoshi exclaimed. "My body is perfectly normal!"

_**Now you know the bisexual dinosaur, Yoshi!** _

"No, you don't know me as a bisexual, whatever that is! None of the things you said about me were true!"

_**Yes, they were! Now, how about you go and get laid?** _

"I don't even know what that means!" Yoshi cried out.


	4. Link

A certain green-clad hylian was the next to sit in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"What was that? Are you a ghost?" Link asked, looking around frantically.

_**Link...he is an elf.** _

"Uhh...actually, I'm a hylian." Link corrected. "Just because I wear green and have pointy ears, it doesn't automatically mean I'm an elf.

_**Yes, it does. Link...is a total womanizer.** _

"Womanizer? You mean I like a lot of women?" Link asked.

_**Yep. You know you like to do all of the ladies you encounter.** _

"What?! I don't have any sexual relations with any women, I swear!" Link protested.

_**Well then, let's see what the ladies have to say.** _

"Ladies? What ladies?"

_**Look right behind you.** _

Link turned around to see a group of girls standing right behind him, including Marin, Saria, Malon, Ruto, Din, Llia, Midna, and Peatrice. "What the? How did these girls get here?"

_**They came in through the invitation you sent them.** _

"Invitation? I didn't send any invitations to any of these women!" Link exclaimed.

_**Link...he cheated on Zelda for these bitches.** _

"Wait, what?! I did not! Zelda, if you're watching this, don't believe anything that this guy is saying! None of this is true! I would never cheat on you or do anything horrible to you!"

Despite Link's protests, the crowd of girls behind him started to go after him. Link screamed as they chased him all throughout the studio.

_**Now you know the womanizer elf, Link!** _

"HELP! SOMEBODY HELP ME! I'M BEING CHASED BY A BUNCH OF CRAZY GIRLS!" Link shrieked.

"Pick me, Link! Pick me to be your bitch!" The girls screamed as they continued to chase after him.


	5. Samus

An intergalactic bounty hunter was the next unlucky person in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Alright, let's just get this over with. I don't got all damn day." Samus sighed.

_**Samus Aran...she was born a man.** _

"I was so not born a man." Samus corrected. "You can see that I'm a woman, right?"

_**That's not what's on your birth certificate.** _

"Birth certificate? There's no way in hell you have my birth certificate." Samus scoffed.

_**Oh, yeah? Well, then what is this?** _

Samus looked and saw that the announcer was showing her some random guy's birth certificate with the original name scribbled out and her name written over it. "That's not my birth certificate! You just stole some other guy's certificate and wrote my name on it!"

_**This is totally yours.** _

"No, it's not! I can totally see that the original name was scribbled out!"

_**Samus Aran...she has a job at Wendy's.** _

"Ew, why the hell would I work at a place like Wendy's? Their food tastes like s**t." Samus muttered in disgust.

_**Yeah, can I have a Baconator with a large Diet Coke?** _

"I ain't getting you any damn food!" Samus shouted.

_**But I'm hungry, and I need a hot shemale like you to get me some food.** _

"I was not born a guy!" Samus protested. "I am 100% woman here!"

_**Samus Aran...Where's the beef?** _

"I don't got any goddamn beef!" Samus snapped.

_**Yes, you do. You have some right on your area.** _

It took Samus five seconds to realize what the announcer was talking about. "You're a sick freak, you know that?!"

_**Now you know the hot shemale of Wendy's, Samus!** _

"No, you do not! I would never work at a s**ty ass place like Wendy's! You sir are a jerk for telling all these stupid ass lies about me! Hello?! Are you even listening to me?!"


	6. Kirby

A certain pink puffball was the next smasher in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Where am I? Who said that?" Kirby asked as he frantically looked around.

_**Kirby...is a pothead.** _

"A pothead? I like to wear pots on my head!" Kirby then took a pot out of nowhere and put it on his head.

_**...You're actually believing this?** _

"Yep! Everyone knows how much I like to wear pots!"

_**That's not even what I meant. How about this? Kirby...hates singing and eating.** _

"Yeah, you're right..." Kirby nodded. "Which is why I like to do both at the same time!"

_**You know you're supposed to disagree with everything I say, don't you?** _

"I am?"

_**YES! Kirby...sleeps in a bathtub.** _

"A bathtub? I like sleeping in a bathtub! It's so slippery and fun!"

_**You know what? F**k this s**t, I'm done!** _

And with that, the announcer got up from his booth and stomped out of the studio in anger, leaving Kirby all alone in the studio, looking rather confused.

"Sheesh, what's his problem?" Kirby then turned to the camera and waved to the audience. "Well, know you know me, Kirby! Bye!"


	7. Fox

A certain space captain was up next to sit in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Who goes there? Show yourself!"

_**Fox McCloud...his real name is Skippy McGee.** _

"No, that's not my name." Fox corrected. "My real name is Fox McCloud. That's the first name you said."

_**No, it wasn't. Skippy McGee...wears pink underwear.** _

"First of all, that is not my name, and second I do not wear pink underwear! I can prove it you!" Fox exclaimed as he stood up from his seat.

_**Oh, yeah? You're going to try to prove that you wear pink underwear?** _

"What?! No, of course not! I'm not wearing pink underwear!"

_**How about we take a look then...** _

Then out of nowhere, two hands suddenly came out from right below Fox and pulled his pants down to reveal that he was in fact wearing a pair of pink briefs.

"What the?! Did you put this on me?!"

_**Ha! I knew it! You're wearing pink underwear, Skippy McGee!** _

"I wasn't wearing pink underwear before! You somehow managed to put it on me, you sick freak!" Fox protested.

_**Skippy McGee...just admitted he is gay!** _

"What?! What did I even say?!"

_**Those pink briefs said it all.** _

"I'm telling you, I wasn't wearing pink underwear before all this!"

_**Know you know the gay pink underwear wearer, Skippy McGee!** _

"For the last time, THAT IS NOT MY NAME!" Fox shouted, and then he tried to pull his pants back up, but the hands wouldn't budge. "You're not getting away with this, mister! I demand an explanation for all this! Hello?! Are you even there?!"


	8. Pikachu

A certain electric type Pokémon was now sitting in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Hello? Is anyone there?"

_**Pikachu...likes to blow s**t up.** _

"I don't like to blow anything up. What do you think I am? Some kind of explosive maniac?"

_**Yes. Pikachu...has a stash of explosive weapons.** _

"Why would I keep a bunch of explosives? Wouldn't that be dangerous?"

_**Look down.** _

Pikachu looked down to see a bunch of explosives covering the floor of the studio, from bombs to sticks of dynamite.

"How did these get here? Are you trying to kill me or something?!"

_**Pikachu...is planning to blow up the world.** _

"What?! No, I'm not!" Pikachu protested, but then an idea entered his mind. "Well actually, there is one thing I plan to blow up."

_**Now you know the explosive maniac, Pikachu! Wait, what are you doing?** _

"I'm going to get my revenge on you." Pikachu replied as he jumped out the window of the studio and into a bunker that just so happened to be right outside.

_**No, wait, what the hell are you-** _

_BOOM!_

A huge explosion erupted from inside the studio, causing a giant mushroom cloud to form, reaching way high up into the sky. When the smoke cleared, Pikachu poked his head out to see that the studio was completely destroyed.

"Well, he's nothing but a pile of ashes now."


	9. Captain Falcon

A certain F-Zero pilot took his place in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Alright, let's get this party started!"

_**Captain Falcon...his catchphrase is "Show me the booze".** _

"Uhh, actually it's "Show me your moves", man." Falcon corrected. "You know, the phrase that I always use?"

_**...Sorry, never heard of it. Captain Falcon...is a gay man.** _

"No way, man. I'm a ladies man all the way. I just love it when women swoon over my...FALCON PECS!" Falcon suddenly shouted, much to the announcer's annoyance.

_**Alright, enough with that s**t. Captain Falcon...was arrested six times.** _

"No, I wasn't man. I've never been arrested in my life."

_**It's probably from all that booze they show you.** _

"Alright, that's it, buddy. You're about to get...FALCON OWNED!"

_**I don't think so.** _

"What you talking 'bout, man?"

_**Get him, officer!** _

Then out of nowhere, a police officer came and used his baton and hit Falcon right in a certain area. He howled in pain and collapsed to the floor, grabbing onto his lower area in pure agony.

_**Looks like you've been beat right in the...FALCON NADS!** _

"Ooh, my balls! It hurts so bad!"

_**Now you know Captain Falcon. Remember, show him the booze!** _

"That...is not...my catchphrase!" Falcon growled as he continued to roll around on the ground in agony.


	10. Ness

A certain red-capped boy was the next to sit in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Hello? Is anyone there?"

_**Ness...shaved off all his hair.** _

"Uhh, no. I've never shaved off any kind of hair, especially the hair on my head."

_**Are you gonna try to prove it?** _

"Yeah, uhh...no...I mean...you can see that I have hair, right? It's not like I'm bald or anything." Ness muttered, starting to feel a little uneasy.

_**Ness...is afraid to show us what's under his hat because he's a total wuss.** _

"I'm not a wuss, it's just that...why don't you believe me?"

_**Ness...there's a flying mutant cow right behind you.** _

"No, there isn't. There's no way I'm falling for that."

_**No really, there is. I'm serious. Look behind you.** _

Ness was completely positive that it was a trick, but he finally turned around and as soon as he did, a hand appeared from behind him and pulled off his hat, revealing that he was in fact completely bald under his hat.

"What the? Hey! You tricked me!"

_**Would you like to take a look at yourself?** _

The announcer then showed a mirror in front of Ness, and he was completely horrified at what he saw. "OH, MY GIYGAS! WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?!"

_**Now you know the bald boy wonder, Ness!** _

"No, you don't know me! You're the one who's responsible for shaving off my hair! I know you are, and if you don't come over here right now, I'm gonna PK Starstorm you to oblivion!"


	11. Luigi

A certain green-capped plumber was the next in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Wh-Who's there? Hello?"

_**Luigi...always dreamed of becoming a Ghostbuster.** _

"Ghostbusters? I've never even seen that movie."

_**If there's something strange in your neighborhood, who you gonna call?** _

"The police?" Luigi guessed.

_**Luigi!** _

"Um...okay, I don't know if I would be able to..."

_**If there's something weird and it don't look good, who you gonna call? Luigi!** _

"Alright, can you stop singing that song, now?"

_**Luigi...directed the 2016 Ghostbusters remake.** _

"Remake? Since when did Ghostbusters get a remake?"

_**You should know. You directed it.** _

"Well, I don't really know everything that's going on in the world."

_**Luigi...is about to bust some ghosts!** _

"But, wait! Where's my Poltergust 3000?!"

_**You won't be needing that.** _

And then out of nowhere, hundreds of ghosts came flying into the studio.

"Eek! Ghosts!" Luigi screamed as he hid under the seat.

_**Now you know the newbie Ghostbuster, Luigi!** _

"S-Stay back! Stay back, you ghosts! Help! Somebody help me!" Luigi shrieked, much to the laughter of the Boos.


	12. Jigglypuff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter might be a little disturbing.

A certain pink Pokémon took their spot in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Um...hello? Is anyone there?"

_**Jigglypuff...is a cold-blooded killer.** _

"Killer? Does this face look like a face that will see blood?"

_**Don't try to fool us with your cute and innocent looks! We all know you are one of the most evilest creatures to ever exist!** _

"Are you kidding?! Why would anyone think I'm evil?! I'm really popular with the people!"

_**Jigglypuff...that microphone is actually a knife that she uses to slit her victim's throats.** _

"What?! No, it's not! It's a marker! See?!" Jigglypuff pulled that cap of the marker she was holding to prove it. "If you don't stop with these lies, I'm gonna sing my song to put you to sleep!"

_**Jigglypuff...murdered six people in their sleep.** _

"What?! Murdered?! I did no such thing!"

_**You don't believe me? I'll show you.** _

The announcer then showed Jigglypuff an article with the headline "Six Sleeping People Murdered by Pink Marshmallow.", along with a subheading that said, "You May Never Feel Safe Sleeping Ever Again!"

"What?! That's fake! I know it is! But if for some reason that's true, then you must have gotten the wrong mon!"

_**...Is that sirens I hear?** _

"What are you talking about?"

_**The police are coming for you, Jiggs.** _

"Police?! You can't arrest a Pokémon! I didn't even do anything wrong!"

"There she is! There's the killer!" A police officer yelled as he ran into the studio and grabbed Jigglypuff.

_**Now you know the ruthless murderer, Jigglypuff!** _

"But, wait! You don't understand! I'm completely innocent here! I would never do anything as evil as murdering people! You've got to believe me!"

"Shut up, you evil marshmallow!" The officer snapped as he took Jigglypuff away out of the studio.


	13. Peach

A certain princess in a pink dress was the next to sit in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Um...hello? Is anyone there?"

_**Princess Peach...she likes to wear skimpy tops and tight jeans.** _

"Skimpy tops and tight jeans? That's definitely not the kind of clothes a princess like me would wear."

_**Hold still, princess. This won't take long.** _

"What are you talking abou-" Then out of nowhere, Peach was suddenly hit with something going at almost light speed, causing her to fall back in the seat. Once Peach got up, she noticed that instead of wearing her signature pink dress, she was now wearing a rather skimpy top and tight jeans, causing the audience to get a rather good view of her cleavage and buttocks. "What the?! What the heck did you put on me?!"

_**What do you think? That looks great on you.** _

"I...I look ridiculous!" Peach tried to take the clothes off, but they seemed to be latched onto her.

_**Princess Peach...works as a waitress at Applebee's.** _

"Applebee's? Why would I work at Applebee's? I've never even eaten at that place."

_**Well, Applebee's really needs a nice slut like you to serve them people food.** _

"What?! I'm not a slut, and I would never work at any restaurant like Applebee's!" Peach protested.

_**Princess Peach...got fired from Applebee's and is now working at Wendy's with the hot shemale Samus.** _

"Samus? I've never seen her work anywhere. Why would Samus be at a place like-"

_**And they are now lesbians!** _

"Excuse me?! You do not assume a princess's sexuality like that!"

_**Now you know the slutty waitress of Applebee's/Wendy's, Princess Peach!** _

"Now, listen here mister! What you just told everyone is a bunch of lies! You are completely disgracing my reputation, and I demand that you come over here and apologize for all the lies you said! And can you please get these skimpy clothes off me?!"


	14. Bowser

A certain Koopa King was next up in the hot seat, which was quite surprising how such a small seat could hold such a large creature.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Alright, let's get this over with."

_**Bowser...believes he is gay when he actually likes to do it with women.** _

"Hold on there, buddy. Are you saying that I don't know my own sexuality?"

_**Yep. And I bet you can't tell the difference between a man and a woman.** _

"Yes, I can! I know that men and women have different parts on their body! I'm not that stupid!"

_**Bowser...he and Peach got on it 37 times!** _

"You have got to be joking. Me and Peach have never done anything that intimate."

_**Come on, you know that the only reason you kidnap Peach is to have some of her cake, if ya know what I mean.** _

"I don't do that kind of stuff with Peach, okay?"

_**Bowser...Mario is about to come in to beat the s**t out of you in three seconds.** _

"Mario?" Bowser laughed as if it were some kind of joke. "Yeah, right. Like Mario's really gonna come in and-"

"There you-a are, Bowser!"

Before Bowser could react, Mario suddenly came from right behind him and jumped on his head, causing him to fall out of the seat (which was surprisingly able to hold his weight the entire time) and land on the floor with a loud thud. Mario then started to beat the ever loving crap out of him.

"This is what you get for-a romping on-a Peach!"

_**Now you know the sexually confused Koopa, Bowser!** _

"Wait a minute, Mario! I never actually hit on-" Bowser didn't get a chance to protest as Mario grabbed his tail and spun him around several times, and then he eventually let go, sending him flying across the studio.

"SO LONG, GAY BOWSER!" Mario shouted as the sound of glass breaking could be heard offscreen.


	15. Dr. Mario

A certain doctor who looked just like Mario was the next one in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Hello? Who's-a there?"

_**Dr. Mario...owns a drug lab.** _

"I do not-a own any kind of drug lab. I'm not-a that kind of doctor."

_**Don't lie to us, Doc! We all know that it's where you experiment on all your test subjects.** _

"I do not-a test drugs on anybody! I'm-a just an ordinary doctor!"

_**Dr. Mario...his pills are made of crack.** _

"They are-a not! They are made of-a normal medical substances!"

_**No wonder people get so addicted over your pills.** _

"My pills don't got-a anything addictive in them!"

_**Dr. Mario...smuggled $1,000,000 worth of drugs.** _

"I have not-a smuggled any kind of-a drugs! I'm not-a some crazy crack addict! That's it! I'm-a getting outta here!"

_**Watch out, Doc. There are like fifty police cars surrounding this area.** _

"Police-a cars?! What are you-a talking about?!"

_**The smuggler is in here, cops!** _

Before Dr. Mario could protest, a group of police officers barged into the studio and surrounded him.

"No, wait! I can-a explain! I never smuggled any kind of-a drugs, nor am I even-a associated with them!"

_**Now you know the drug smuggler, Dr. Mario!** _

"Wait-a, cops! I'm-a completely innocent here! Don't listen to-a whatever this man is-a saying!" Dr. Mario protested, but it fell on deaf ears.

"Let's get him, boys!" One of the cops shouted, and then in an instant all of them jumped onto Dr. Mario and started to beat him up.


	16. Zelda

A certain Hyrulean princess was the next one in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Um...hello? Who was that?"

_**Princess Zelda...She's in the third grade.** _

"I don't think so. I'm not even in school."

_**No wonder you're so dumb. You've never even graduated grade school.** _

"Dumb?! Just because I never went to a real school doesn't automatically mean I'm dumb!"

_**Yes, it does. Princess Zelda...believes the earth is flat.** _

"Excuse me?! I know for a  _fact_  that the earth is round!"

_**Of course you wouldn't be able to tell, you stupid princess.** _

"I am not stupid!"

_**Yes, you are. Princess Zelda...she's just plain dumb.** _

"Call me dumb one more time, and I'll blast you in the face!"

_**Now you know the stupid princess, Zelda!** _

"No, you don't know me! I'm not some dumb princess! Everything you said about me were lies!"

_**The people definitely know you, Zel-DUH!** _

"I'm telling you, I am not as stupid as you are claiming that I am! I am actually very smart and I will not allow you to insult my intelligence! Hello?! Are you listening?!"


	17. Sheik

A certain female ninja was next up in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Alright, let's get this over with."

_**Sheik...she is a lesbian.** _

"Actually, I'm straight, thank you very much."

_**Are you sure you're not interested in other women.** _

"No, not romantically."

_**Sheik...is a shemale for a futanari magazine.** _

"Futanari? Are you saying that I'm a girl with a you-know-what?"

_**Yes. You know you like to dominate other women with your schlong.** _

"Well, I'll have you know that I do not have any male parts, okay?"

_**Sheik...wants to show us her d**k.** _

"What?! No, I do not! I don't even have a you-know-what!"

_**How about we take a look then...** _

A pair of hands came out from beside Sheik and tried to grab her, but she quickly jumped out of the way.

"No! You are not taking me!"

Suddenly, a hand grabbed Sheik from behind and held her up while another removed her tights, revealing that she did in fact have a d**k, which is blurred out due to the fact that we cannot show such parts in a T-rated fic.

"What the hell is this...thing doing on my body?!"

_**Wow. You look so big down there.** _

"You're a sicko, you know that?! Did you somehow come in and surgically put this thing on me?!"

_**Now you know the famous futanari, Sheik!** _

"I'm telling you, you're nothing but a sick, perverted freak! I demand you to unhand me this instant and tell me how you got this d**k onto me!"


	18. Ganondorf

A certain Gerudo sat in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Alright. Let's get this over with."

_**Ganondorf...his real name is Chris P. Bacon.** _

"Chris P. Bacon? What kind of name is that? That just sounds completely stupid."

_**That's a pretty appropriate name for a hog like you.** _

"What does that name have anything to do with-" Ganondorf finally realized what the announcer was really talking about. "Oh, you have got to be kidding me."

_**Chris P. Bacon...likes pig butts and he cannot lie!** _

"Oh, come on! You seriously can't mean real pig butts!"

_**He's got the style that you other brothers can't deny!** _

"Oh , don't start making a song with those puns." Ganondorf groaned.

_**Chris P. Bacon...makes people fall asleep because he's a total BOAR!** _

"Enough with the stupid pig puns! I can't stand listening to these completely degrading puns about  _me_!"

_**Calm down, buddy. There's no need for you to squeal.** _

"I'm not squealing! I'm yelling! I'm yelling at you because you're saying all these stupid puns!"

_**Now you know the boar-ing swine, Chris P. Bacon!** _

"No, you do not know me! Why the hell would I even have a completely stupid name like Chris P. Bacon?!"

_**Enough with your squealing. You're bacon me crazy.** _

"I. Am. Not. SQUEALING!" Ganondorf shouted.


	19. Falco

A certain space pilot sat in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"What was that? Who said that?"

_**Falco Lombardi...owns a Hooters restaurant.** _

"Umm...no I don't." Falco corrected. "I'm actually an ace pilot."

_**How are those spicy wings going?** _

"Hot wings? You know, if I were to be making hot wings, then that would be considered murder to my own race."

_**Falco Lombardi...goes out with all the Hooter Girls.** _

"Uh...no, I don't go out with any girls."

_**Yeah you do, and you know you just like to do all of them.** _

"I don't go out with any women, nor do I have any relations with any of them!"

_**Falco Lombardi...all the Hooter Girls found out you were cheating on all of them and now they're about to come in and beat the s**t out of you.** _

"Wait, what?! What girls are gonna come in and-"

_**There he is! Get him, girls!** _

"Wait, what is even going-"

Before Falco could react, a bunch of busty-looking girls in skimpy outfits burst into the studio and all began to take turns beating him up.

"Hey-Ow! What do you girls think you're doing?!"

_**Now you know the cheating bastard of Hooters, Falco Lombardi!** _

"W-Wait a minute, mister! Would you mind coming over here and explaining why these girls are beating me up?! I never done anything to these women! I have never seen any of them in my life!"

Falco continued to protest when one of the girls took a bat and hit him right in a certain area. He let out a high-pitched scream of pain and collapsed to the floor in agony while holding onto his lower area.

"Bulls-eye!" One of the Hooter Girls shouted as the rest continued to beat him up.


	20. Pichu

A certain baby Pokémon was next up in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Umm...hello? Who was that?"

_**Pichu...is a Pokémon porn star.** _

"Porn? What's porn?" Pichu asked innocently, as she was obviously too young to understand.

_**Something that your parents have told you about on the day you were born.** _

"My parents never told me anything about this porn. They said that I'm not old enough to know about the Pidgies and the Beedrills, whatever that means."

_**Yes, they have. Pichu...broke the world record for the youngest porn star in history.** _

"World record? I-I don't know about that. Who was the person before me?"

_**Your body must be more sexier than those Gardevoirs and Lopunnies.** _

"Okay, that's...that's just creepy and wrong. You're...You're kinda starting to freak me out."

_**Pichu...is about to be charged for child pornography.** _

"Charged? Wh-What do you mean by-"

"Look! It's the child pornographer!"

Before Pichu could react, two police officers suddenly burst into the studio and surrounded her.

"W-Wait, what are these cops doing here?! I-I never did anything wrong, I swear!

_**Now you know the Pokémon porn star, Pichu!** _

"N-No, you don't know me! I didn't do anything related to this porn! I don't even know what that is! I-I'm just an innocent little Pokémon! Y-You have to believe me!"

The cops didn't listen and only got closer. Pichu then became so overwhelmed and startled that she ended up suddenly discharging electricity around her, electrocuting both the cops and herself.


	21. Mewtwo

A certain genetically-engineered Pokémon was the next unfortunate one in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"What is this place? What am I even doing here?"

_**Mewtwo...wants to take over McDonalds.** _

"You are completely wrong about that. What I really want is to take over the world, so you will bow down to me!"

_**Well, if you're planning on taking over the world, why not start with Mickey D's?** _

"When I rule the world, there will be no such thing as this place that you call 'Mickey D's'!"

_**Mewtwo...is nicknamed Lord of the Big Macs.** _

"Lord of the Big Macs. You have no idea how much I want to smack you right now for calling me something as ridiculous and stupid as that."

_**If you want to smack so bad, then how about you just get me some chicken nuggets?** _

"No! I'm not getting you anything, you stupid son of a woman!"

_**Mewtwo...I would like some fries with that.** _

"With what?! What are you trying to say to me?!"

_**You want to get some fries to go with my delicious meal?** _

"Oh, that does it, mister! I can rip your head off if I wanted to and believe me, I am not afraid to do so!"

_**Now you know the Lord of the Big Macs, Mewtwo!** _

"No, you do not! I am not some kind of stupid lord at some stupid restaurant that this stupid guy is trying to order from!"

_**Yes, the people at home do know you! Now aren't you going to get me the Big Mac and fries that I ordered?** _

"You better shut your mouth, mister! Or else..."

_**Or else what?** _

"Or else I'll destroy you and this studio!"

_**Are you going to come and make me, kitty?** _

That did it for Mewtwo. With a flash of his eyes, he unleashed a powerful psychic blast which caused the whole studio to explode and go up in flames. Mewtwo floated in the middle of the fiery heap, surrounding himself with a bright blue barrier.

"You better watch out with who you call kitty."


	22. Marth

A certain blue-haired pretty boy sat in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Hello? Who was that?"

_**Marth...collects used men's underwear.** _

"Used underwear? That is totally not me, okay? I hate touching things that are dirty."

_**If that's not true, then what's the secret stash that I found in your room?** _

"Secret stash?! I don't have no secret stash of filthy undergarments!"

_**Marth...likes to sniff the underwear he collects.** _

"Oh, that is just wrong on so many levels! Touching dirty underwear is disgusting enough, but smelling it?!"

_**Oh, come on. You know you absolutely love the arousing smell of males.** _

"That's just disgusting and wrong! I don't know how you could possibly-"

Suddenly, something hit Marth right in the face and stuck to it. He struggled to get it off and while he did, he was met with a horrible odor. Marth finally managed to pull the thing that was launched at his face off.

"Augh! This smells nasty! What is this?!"

_**That's a nice dirty pair of undies I found in your drawer.** _

Upon hearing that, Marth instantly threw away the pair of dirty underwear and began frantically wiping his hands on the seat.

"Ahh! Oh God, I just touched something that touched a man's crotch! This is even worse than getting Roy germs on me!"

_**Marth...he's Roy's gay lover.** _

"Oh, HELL no! Why would I  _ever_  be in love with a complete dumbass like Roy?! He always gets me into horrible situations because of his complete idiocy!"

_**Aww, that means he loves you!** _

"Roy's not my f**king boyfriend! I hate that boy so much!"

_**Now you know the gay underwear sniffer, Marth!** _

"Oh, no you do not! You must have some nerve to tell these stupid lies about me! You're nothing but a dirty pervert, and I demand an apology for contaminating my face and hands with male essence! Hello?! Are you even listening to me?!"


	23. Roy

A certain hyperactive red-head was next in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Yay, it's my turn in the special chair!"

_**Roy...his best friends are potatoes.** _

"That's right! Everyone knows that I love potatoes so much! I've got several potato friends!"

_**...You actually are friends with potatoes?** _

"Yep! They're only the nicest spuds around!"

_**...Okay then. Roy...has dreams of killing his potato friends.** _

"Killing?! I would never do anything to harm my potato friends! I wouldn't want them to get mashed or fried in any way!"

_**Oh, then how do you explain this?** _

In response, the announcer threw a potato at Roy's feet, and it had a knife buried in it, and it had X's painted on it to symbolize eyes and was covered in fake blood.

Roy gasped in complete horror and picked up the potato. "Spuddy! What happened to you?!"

_**You killed him in your dreams, that's what happened!** _

"I...I would never do anything as horrible as this to my non-sentient friends!  _You_  are the one responsible for this!"

_**I did no such thing! Roy...your potato friends are out for revenge for you murdering their brother.** _

"Wait, what? Revenge?!"

_**Look in front of you.** _

Roy looked in front of him to see several potatoes surrounding him, all with angry expressions drawn on them.

"Friends! Forgive me! I am not the one responsible for the death of Spuddy! It was that crazy guy who I don't even know where he is right now! You have got to believe me!"

The potatoes all glared at Roy, but instead of attacking him, they all just simply exploded. He gasped and fell to his knees upon seeing the huge mess on the floor.

_**Now you know the potato murderer, Roy!** _

"Why, friends?! Why did you do this to me?! I DID NOTHING WRONG!" Roy cried as he tried to gather the remains of the potatoes.


	24. Ice Climbers

A pair of eskimo children were next up in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Yup! That's us!" Both Ice Climbers nodded.

_**Ice Climbers...they like to club innocent seals.** _

"Nope!" Both climbers shook their head.

"These mallets aren't for clubbing, they're for climbing!" Popo corrected.

"And they also help us protect ourselves from danger!" Nana added.

_**Yeah, like those poor seals. Ice Climbers...they sell their clubbed seals and spend the money on drugs.** _

"Drugs? Umm, I think we may be to young for that stuff." Popo pointed out.

"Yeah, we heard that drugs can do terrible things to your body." Nana added again.

"We would never actually sell those poor dead seals and waste the money on any bad things."

_**That's straight up animal cruelty. Don't you know how many species of seals are endangered now because of you two?** _

"But we never even killed any seals, we swear!"

"Yeah! We never mean to harm any seals! We love seals!" Nana agreed.

_**Ice Climbers...there's a group of angry PeTA members outside.** _

"PeTA? Who's PeTA?" Popo asked.

"Yeah, and what are they doing here?" Nana asked as well.

_**They're here to fight the rights of those seals and will make an extremely gory flash game portraying you two as seal killers.** _

"But we're not seal killers!" Popo protested.

"Yeah, why aren't you listening to us?!" Nana demanded.

"Look! There's the seal clubbing children!"

Before either Ice Climber could figure out what was going on, a group of angry animal rights protesters barged into the studio and surrounded them.

_**Now you know the seal killers, the Ice Climbers!** _

"W-Wait, please listen to us! We never did any harm on any seals!"

"Yeah, you all have got to believe us!" Nana added.

"Take those animal abusing children out of here!" One of the protesters commanded, and the rest all nodded and proceeded to take the Ice Climbers away out of the studio in a rage.


	25. Mr. Game and Watch

A certain two-dimensional figure sat in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

Mr. Game and Watch only gave a small nod in response.

_**Mr. Game and Watch...is a complete crack addict.** _

In response to that bogus fact, Mr. Game and Watch simply shook his head.

_**...You aren't saying anything about this?** _

Mr. Game and Watch only shook his head again.

_**You don't wanna talk? Oh, I'll make you talk! Mr. Game and Watch...has pure liquid meth flowing in his body** _

Mr. Game and Watch just shook his head again.

_**Still not talking, are you?** _

Mr. Game and Watch nodded.

_**Oh, come on, mister! You've gotta say something! Mr. Game and Watch...always speaks in beeps because he's always swearing.** _

The announcer waited for Mr. Game and Watch to say something, but once again he only shook his head.

_**Why aren't you saying anything?! The whole point of this story is to react to all of the false lies I'm telling everyone about you! Don't you have anything to say about all this?!** _

"Yes, and it's that you're a perverted freak of nature." Mr. Game and Watch answered.

Upon hearing that, the announcer instantly burst into hysterics.

_**Why?! Why would you say something like that to me?! All I was trying to do was humiliate you to no end! Why did you do this to me?! WHY?!** _

Mr. Game and Watch just rang his bell in triumph, happy for himself that he had managed to get the announcer to break down.


	26. Meta Knight

A certain masked swordsman sat in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Alright. Let's get this over with."

_**Meta Knight...he is a vampire.** _

"No, I am not. I do not have any kind of attributes of a vampire."

_**Don't deny it. We all know you sleep in a coffin and fly around with your bat wings.** _

"First of all, I don't sleep in a coffin, and second of all, my bat wings are just part of my cape."

_**Sure they are. Meta Knight...wears a mask over his face to hide the fact that he is actually a vampire and to prevent himself from burning in the sunlight.** _

"No, I do not. I wear a mask to hide my identity."

_**Yeah, you like to hide your coffin sleeping, blood-sucking identity from everybody.** _

"I don't have any vampire secrets!"

_**Yes, you do! Meta Knight...flies through the night from his coffin to quench his satisfying blood lust.** _

"I am not a vampire, okay?! I don't go around and suck people's blood!"

_**Oh, come on. You absolutely love the sweet, metallic taste of blood.** _

"No, I do not! That is just disgusting and-"

Suddenly, something hit Meta Knight right in the face, and his mask snapped in half and broke off, revealing his Kirby-like face. Upon seeing his broken mask on the floor, Meta Knight quickly covered his face with his cape as the light of day shone right in his face.

"What did you just throw at me?! You are going to pay for this, mister!"

_**I knew it! You're a vampire! You're trying to shield yourself from the sunlight!** _

"No, I am not! I must not let anyone see my true face!"

_**Now you know Meta Knight. Swordsman by day, vampire by night!** _

"You know what?! I'll prove to you that I'm not a vampire!" Meta Knight moved his cape out of the way to show his true face. "See?! Nothing's happening to me! Why am I not burning in the-" Suddenly, a cloud of vapor sprayed right in Meta Knight's eyes, and he screamed as he held his hands over his face. "Ahh! My eyes! They're burning! Make it stop! Make it stop!"

_**Nothing stops a vampire like some good ol' garlic spray!** _

"Augh! Can somebody help me over here before I go blind?!"


	27. Pit

A certain angel sat in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Hello? Who was that?"

_**Pit...is stalked by obsessive fangirls.** _

"Fangirls? Wow, I didn't know I had so many fans! Am I really that cute?"

_**Oh, you've got fangirls alright, but I'm not talking about the sane ones. I'm talking about the obsessive ones. You know, the kinds of fangirls that like to take pictures of you in your sleep and dream about playing with your wiener.** _

"My WHAT?!" Pit briefly looked down at his crotch and started to feel a bit uneasy. "Y-You're kinda starting to freak me out now..."

_**Pit...his clothes are being sold on eBay for $1,000,000.** _

"Sold? Wh-Why would my clothes even be sold? They're not really worth any money."

_**What are you talking about? Your clothes are all the rage for the fangirls! They especially love the arousing scent of your underwear essence.** _

"Okay, this is getting really creepy! I don't even know who you are, but you're making me feel really insecure! I don't even feel safe being here! I-I want to get out of here!"

_**I wouldn't hold my breath. Pit...is about to be attacked by a group of obsessive fangirls.** _

"W-Wait, what's going to happen?! I'm gonna get attacked by a bunch crazy girls?! I've gotta get out of here!"

_**Look, girls! It's your dream boyfriend sitting right here in this studio!** _

Before Pit knew it, a group of crazy and obsessed fangirls burst into the studio and ran right for him. He tried to run away, but couldn't get far before they all jumped on him and began to grab at his body.

"H-Hey-ow-quit it! G-Get off of me! S-Stop grabbing me right there! Help! Somebody, help me! I'm being attacked by a bunch of crazy girls!"

The fangirls continued to grab at Pit, even tearing off some of his clothes until someone reached for something on his lower area and slipped it off.

"I got his underwear!" One of the fangirls shouted, and then they all started to fight over the piece of undergarments as they ran out.

Once the fangirls all left, Pit got up and struggled to get back onto his feet. Once he did, he quickly wrapped his arms around himself and shuddered as his body suddenly felt cold.

"Why does it feel cold in here all of a sudden?"

_**Wow, I didn't think you would be so big down there.** _

"Huh? What are you..." Pit looked down and was shocked to see that he was completely naked and all of his clothes had been torn off from the fangirl attack. The camera focused on his lower area, with a censor bar conveniently covering his wiener. Pit gasped and quickly covered his crotch with his hands, his face turning bright red in embarrassment. "M-My clothes! Wh-What did these girls do to me?!"

_**Now you know the fangirl magnet, Pit!** _

"N-No, you don't! I-I don't get stalked by obsessed fangirls! I don't want anyone taking pictures of me in my sleep and playing with my wiener! I don't want anyone invading my privacy! I don't even feel safe getting out of here! I know you're the one that's behind this, and I want you to apologize for making me get attacked by crazy fangirls! ...And can somebody please get me some pants?"


	28. Ike

A certain mercenary sat next in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"What am I doing here, dude?"

_**Ike...listens to Linkin Park.** _

"Uhh...no, I don't, dude. I don't listen to any songs by Linkin Park."

_**Don't deny it. You know that you like to scream the lyrics to 'In the End' every night.** _

"I don't sing Linkin Park, dude! I don't even know a single song from them!"

_**Sure you don't. Ike...is an emo who likes to sing Linkin Park songs when he's alone.** _

"I am not an emo, dude! And I do not sing!"

_**If you don't sing, then what's this video that I found?** _

"What are you talking about, dude?"

The announcer didn't answer and then proceeded to show Ike a video of him all alone singing a Linkin Park song rather horribly.

"I TRIED SO HARD, AND GOT SO FAR! BUT IN THE END, IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER! I HAD TO FALL TO LOSE IT ALL! BUT IN THE END, IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER!" The voice on the video half sang, half screamed at the top of his voice. Ike found himself covering his ears upon hearing the sound of his own voice scream singing.

_**So, what did you think?** _

"...My singing is horrible, dude."

_**You have the voice of an angel. Ike...would you like some Doritos?** _

"Yeah, dude! I'd kill to have some Doritos right now!"

_**Well then, here you go.** _

The announcer threw a bag of nacho cheese Doritos at Ike, who quickly took it and began to happily chomp on his favorite corn chips.

_**So? How are they?** _

Ike began to notice that the Doritos had a rather funny taste to them. "These Doritos taste a little weird. What flavor is this?"

_**They're made completely out of tire rubber drizzled with 100% jet coolant.** _

Upon hearing that, Ike instantly spit out the chips and threw the bag away. "What did you do to my Doritos, dude?!"

_**Those weren't even Doritos. They really were just pieces of tires with nacho cheese sprinkled on them.** _

Ike was far from amused. In fact, he was really pissed off at this guy for almost poisoning him like that. Ike got up from the chair, looked right at the camera and said in a threatening tone, "I'm gonna cut your balls off for what you did to my Doritos."

_**Now you know the emo Linkin Park lover, Ike! And can somebody please save my balls? I don't want them to get cut off!** _

"Oh, no, dude. Nobody's going to help you!"

_**Wait, what the hell are you doing?** _

"This is what you get for tainting my Doritos!" Ike pulled out his sword and gave an underhand swing right at a certain area. The announcer let out a high-pitched little girl scream as the heavy sword slammed against his crotch, and then collapsed to the floor, whimpering and whining in intense pain.

_**Wh...Why did you do that? Ow...it feels like my crotch just exploded! I...I gotta...get out of here...** _

"Oh, I'm not done with you, dude!" Ike snapped as he held up a glowing sphere: a Smash Ball. He broke the Smash Ball with his sword and a rainbow aura surrounded his body as his eyes began to glow a bright yellow.

_**No, please! Have mercy on me! I'll give you real Doritos! Just please don't hurt me anymore!** _

Despite the announcer's pleas, Ike refused to listen. With one swing of his sword, the announcer was flung into the air, and he jumped up and started to slash and kick at him repeatedly as blue flames erupted everywhere.

"Great...AETHER!" Ike shouted as he continued to slash at the announcer. With one last slash, he delivered the final blow and plummeted to the floor, causing an explosion that made the whole studio to go down in a burst of flames. Once the smoke cleared, Ike panted as he stood up and there was nothing around him but a pile of rubble. "Yes. That bastard is gone."


	29. King Dedede

A certain self-proclaimed king sat in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Yep, this is me alright."

_**King Dedede...has a brain the size of an ant.** _

"No, I don't. I'll have you know that as a king I am very smart for my species!"

_**I know that birds aren't really the sharpest tools in the shed, but out of all of them, you're quite possibly the dullest.** _

"Are you insulting the intelligence of a king?!"

_**Yes, I am. King Dede-DUH...likes to do it with cross-dressing men.** _

"No, I do not! Why do you think that I like to do it with guys that like to dress up as girls?!"

_**Of course you can't tell the difference, you stupid penguin!** _

"I'm not a stupid penguin!"

_**Yes you are! King Dede-DOYEE...thinks Boku no Pico is the best anime.** _

"WHAT?! You're crazy! Why on Earth would you think that I would like an anime about young boys getting it on with each other?! That's just wrong!"

_**It's not for a dirty pervert like you.** _

" _I'm_  a dirty pervert?!  _You're_  a dirty pervert! You're the one that's saying all of these stupid lies about me!"

_**Now you know the stupid, pedophile penguin that believes he's straight even though he's actually gay, King Dede-DUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!** _

"No, you don't know me! I'm not some sick, stupid freak that likes to get off to porn of little boys! This person is lying! Humans aren't even the same species as me!"

_**Would you like to start watching your favorite anime?** _

"No, I do not! You can't make me!" Dedede then tried to get up from the seat, but then a metallic belt appeared and strapped him to it so that he couldn't escape just as the announcer turned on a TV screen in front of him. "Oh no. Oh, please no! Please, have mercy on me! The horror! THE HORROR!" Dedede screamed in terror. Looks like he's really gonna need some brain bleach after this.


	30. Lucario

A certain Aura Pokémon was next in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Alright, let's get this done with."

_**Lucario...the fur on his head is made of Ramen that's dyed blue.** _

"Now what kind of nonsense is that? Are you seriously saying my fur is made of food? Because that's ridiculous."

_**Not as ridiculous as the two pairs of testicles you've got on the back of your head.** _

"Excuse me?! These are feelers for analyzing Aura, and I sense bulls**t in you!"

_**Sure they are. Lucario...is a member of Nickelback.** _

"No, I am not! I am not in any way associated with Nickelback!"

_**If you're not part of Nickelback, then look at this photograph.** _

The announcer then proceeded to show Lucario a picture of the band Nickelback, with his face plastered on one of the band members.

"That's not me! I look nothing like that!"

_**This is totally you in this picture.** _

"No, it is not! You just pasted my face on some random person!"

_**Now, why would I do something like that? Lucario...why does your music suck so much?** _

"I don't know! I've never even listened to a single song by Nickelback!"

_**Well, you're the reason why music is turning into complete crap now.** _

"I have nothing to do with Nickelback! I don't even care about what they did to music!"

_**Now you know the newest Nickelback member, Lucario!** _

"No, you do not know me! I am not part of some stupid rock band and my fur is not made of ramen! None of these facts about me were true! Hello?! Are you listening to me?! Because I can sense that you're not!"


	31. Red

A certain Pokémon Trainer sat in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Yep, this is me."

_**Red...uses illegal substances on his Pokémon.** _

"No, I don't. I don't you any kind of illegal substances. It's just not right for a Pokémon Trainer like me to do something like that."

_**Don't deny it. You know you use steroids to force your Pokémon to become stronger.** _

"What?! No! I've trained all of my Pokémon legitimately!"

_**Sure you have. Red...abuses his Pokémon for his own sadistic pleasure.** _

"What?! I do not! I love my Pokémon! I would never do anything as horrible as that!"

_**Don't you know how wrong it is to abuse Pokémon? I might as well call PeTA on your ass.** _

"Yes, I know it's really wrong to abuse Pokémon, but it's something that I would never do!"

_**Of course it would be something that you do, you sadistic hack! Red...your Pokémon would like to have a word with you.** _

"Huh? What do you mean?"

Red then looked to see his three Pokémon, Squirtle, Ivysaur, and Charizard standing right in front of him, all of them looking extremely angry.

"Guys look, listen to me! Don't believe anything that this guy is saying! He's lying! I would never abuse you or do anything horrible to any of you! I love you guys! You guys are my best friends! You have got to-"

Red was unable to finish his sentence as Ivysaur whacked him in the face with Vine Whip, knocking him off the seat and onto the floor. He then held him with his vines as Squirtle and Charizard began to attack him with their water and fire attacks. Once they were finished, the three Pokémon left in a huff, leaving their trainer lying on the floor completely drenched and burned.

"G-Guys, wait! Come back! Wh-Why did you attack me like that?!"

_**They don't listen to an abuser, sicko.** _

"Y-You...are the one responsible for this! Thanks to you, my Pokémon probably won't ever trust me again!"

_**Now you know the Pokémon abuser, Red!** _

"Y-You're sick, I tell you! Sick!" Red shouted before he passed out onto the floor.


	32. Olimar

A certain space captain was next in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Hello? Who was that?"

_**Olimar...owns a pot farm.** _

"No, I don't. I don't own any kind of drug farm and grow pot."

_**He's only got the best pot around!** _

"No, I do not! I said I don't grow any pot!"

_**Sure you did. Olimar...has created a special green Pikmin out of weed, or as he likes to call it, the "Pick me and let's get high, man".** _

"No, I didn't. My Pikmin are not related to any kind of drug!"

_**Why not? Your Pikmin make great drugs, man. They make me see a lot of colors, mostly red.** _

"Seeing red? Why would you...Wait a minute...Are you high?"

_**Naaaaaaaah, man. Olimar...has illegally sold his Weed Pikmin to stoners.** _

"Stoners?! I haven't sold anything to stoners! I haven't ever done anything that's even remotely illegal!"

_**...** _

_**...** _

_**...And now the police are gonna come and arrest his ass. ...And I want some peanuts.** _

"Police?! What did I even do?!"

_**There he is, cops! The pot dealer is right here! The pot dealer that just gave me some free weed!** _

Before Olimar could react, two police officers suddenly barged in and grabbed him.

"Hey, what are you doing?! Let me go! I didn't do anything wrong!"

_**Now you know the illegal pot farmer, Olimar! *giggles* I like to smoke some of this fresh dank.** _

"See?! Listen to him! He's the one that's doing drugs! You should be arresting  _him_! I did not give him or anyone else any drugs, I swear!"

"You have a right to remain silent, Weed Man." One of the officers snapped as they took Olimar away out of the studio.


	33. Lucas

A certain blonde-haired boy sat in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Umm...hello? Wh-Who was that?"

_**Lucas...he's Jimmy Neutron's long lost cousin.** _

"Umm, no. I...I don't think I'm related to him. He's not even a video game character."

_**How have you been doing with your lab?** _

"Lab? I...I don't have lab."

_**Sure, you don't. Lucas...once dyed his hair brown to impersonate as the real Jimmy Neutron.** _

"N-No, I didn't! I've never impersonated as anyone before!"

_**Are you sure about that? I'm pretty sure I can see a brown spot in your hair.** _

"Yes, I'm sure! I would never impersonate as someone, you've gotta believe me!"

_**Oh, I believe you alright...NOT! Lucas...Jimmy Neutron is about to make a random cameo in this story just to beat the crap out of you.** _

"W-Wait, what? H-How is he even going to-"

"There you are, you freakish impersonator!"

Before Lucas even had time to react, someone burst into the studio holding a remote. It was none other than Jimmy Neutron himself, and we have absolutely no idea how he even got here.

"Wh-What?! H-How did you even get here?! I-I don't know who you are, but you better listen to me! I-I've never impersonated as you before! D-Don't believe anything that this guy is saying! He's lying! You've gotta belie-"

Suddenly, a beam of electricity shot right at Lucas and it hit the seat, causing it to completely disintegrate into dust. He got really scared and began to run away as Jimmy began to chase him all around the studio.

_**Now you know the Jimmy Neutron impersonator, Lucas! Gotta blast!** _

"W-Wait, stop! P-Please listen to me! Th-This guy is lying to you! P-Please just stop and let me explain!"

"Come back here, you impersonating freak!" Jimmy shouted as he continued to chase Lucas.


	34. Toon Link

A certain green-clad kid sat in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Hello? Who was that?"

_**Toon Link...he is secretly part cat.** _

"Uhh, no I'm not. I'm not part of any kind of animal."

_**Oh, come on. You've got the large eyes and pointy ears, so I sense that you are in fact a Furry.** _

"Furry? What the heck is a Furry?"

_**You know damn well what a Furry is! Toon Link...likes to yiff with all them boys!** _

"Yiff? What does that even mean?"

_**It means that you like to yiff with the animal men!** _

"No seriously, what does yiff mean?! Is it some kind of disease or something?! What does it mean to yiff?! What is it?! TELL ME!"

_**...How about no. Toon Link...your face...** _

"What? What about my face?"

_**...is all over Furry merchandise!** _

"What?! That's not true! I'm not related to Furries or anything like that! Who do you think you are for saying something like that?!"

_**Now you know the famous Furry, Toon Link!** _

"No, you don't! I'm not some kind of Furry or whatever that is! I don't even know who you are but you don't just go around telling lies about me!"

_**It's my job to torture you, ya little Furry. Now go yiff yourself!** _

"WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!" Toon Link asked in anger.


	35. Wolf

A certain space pilot sat next in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Alright, let's get this over with."

_**Wolf O'Donnel...likes to read Twilight.** _

"Twilight? Now, why the hell would I be reading something as stupid as Twilight?"

_**Oh, come on. Twilight's such a great novel for a werewolf like you!** _

"No, Twilight is a terrible novel for people like me! I'm not even a werewolf!"

_**You definitely are. Wolf O'Donnel...is gay for sparkly vampires.** _

"Sparkly vampires? Vampires don't sparkle! That's the stupidest thing I have ever heard!"

_**It's the most amazing thing in the world! Don't you know that werewolves and vampires are perfect for each other?** _

"Okay, that is just stupid and gay. Werewolves and vampires together? Disgusting."

_**Wolf O'Donnel...was caught doing it with a vampire.** _

"I was not! I have never done it with any kind of sparkly vampires or that kind of bulls**t! It makes me sick even thinking about doing something like that!"

_**Don't believe it? Here, I'll show you.** _

The announcer then proceeded to show Wolf a picture of a "werewolf" getting it on with a "vampire" with his own face plastered on the "werewolf".

"Oh my God...what the hell am I looking at?!"

_**It's a picture of you and your vampire boyfriend getting it on!** _

"That is the most disturbing thing I have ever seen! Get that stupid ass picture out of my face!"

_**Now you know the werewolf that likes to do it with vampires, Wolf!** _

"No, you do not! What kind of person do you think you are for saying things like that?! Me getting it on with vampires?! That is absolutely sick! Hello?! Are you listening?!"


	36. Wario

A certain scoundrel took his place in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Alright, I don't got all day."

_**Wario...is a cross-dresser.** _

"No I'm not, man. I don't wear girl clothes."

_**If you don't wear girl clothes, then why did I find a bunch of bras in your closet?** _

"I don't got any bras in my closet! I don't even bother to change my clothes every day. In fact, I've been wearing these clothes for three whole weeks!"

_**Wario...likes to wear Mona's clothes.** _

"Did you just hear what I said?! I said I don't wear girl clothes, especially Mona's!"

_**And he also likes to sniff her panties!** _

"What?! That's completely false! I don't just go around and sniff girls's panties! That's just wrong!"

_**It's not wrong for a dirty scoundrel like you. Wario...has five seconds to get the hell out of here before Mona comes in and beats him with a baseball bat.** _

"Wait, what?! There's no way Mona's just going to come in and-"

"There you are, Wario!"

Before Wario could react, Mona burst into the studio holding a baseball bat and swung it right at the seat, causing it to break to pieces and he ran for his life as she began to chase him around the studio with the bat.

_**Now you know the dirty cross-dresser, Wario!** _

"Look Mona, I've never wore any of your clothes and sniffed your panties! This random guy is lying!"

"Come back here, you panty sniffer!" Mona shouted as she continued to chase Wario with the bat.


	37. Diddy Kong

A certain chimp with a cap was next up in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Huh? Who was that? Hello?"

_**Diddy Kong...he's a rapper under the name of P. Diddy Ice-T Flavor Flav II.** _

"Uhh, no I'm not. I am not a rapper and I have no interest in being one. I don't even really like rap music."

_**How are you doing with those dope rhymes?** _

"Dope rhymes? I don't even know what that term means!"

_**Sure you don't. P. Diddy Ice-T Flavor Flav II...is a total crack addict.** _

"First of all, that's not my name, and second of all, I am not addicted to crack or any kind of drugs!"

_**Look under the seat.** _

"Why should I?"

_**Just do it.** _

Diddy was unsure, but he looked under the seat and picked up a large white rock.

"What is this?"

_**It's a nice big ol' chunk of crack that I found that you were smuggling.** _

"What?! I wasn't smuggling any crack, I swear! I don't even know how this got here!"

_**P. Diddy Ice-T Flavor Flav II...just got caught smuggling crack and now the police are gonna come and arrest his doped up ass.** _

"Wait, what?! Why are the police after me?! I didn't even do anything wrong!"

_**I hear the sirens outside. You can't escape from them now.** _

"Sirens?! Why would there be sirens?! What did I even do?!"

"There's the crack smuggler right there!"

Before Diddy could react, a police officer suddenly barged in and grabbed him.

_**Now you know the crack addict rapper, P. Diddy Ice-T Flavor Flav II!** _

"W-Wait a minute, officer! I wasn't smuggling any crack! I'm completely innocent! This random guy is lying!"

"You have a right to remain silent, you drug monkey!" The officer snapped as he handcuffed Diddy and took him away.


	38. R.O.B.

A certain robot sat in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Oh, hello there. I have no idea what this place is, but it is nice being here."

_**R.O.B...is a sex robot.** _

"I apologize, but I do not think that is true. I do not know what you mean by me being a sex robot."

_**I mean that you're a robot that likes to f**k. Don't you even know what sex is?** _

"No, I do not. My artificial inteligence is incapable of fully understanding the concept of human sexual activity."

_**R.O.B...was designed to make dildos.** _

"Dildos? I have no idea what you are referring to."

_**You know, dildos? The things that people f**k themselves with? You should understand how those things work!** _

"Unfortunately for you, I do not."

_**Well, surely you'll understand this one. R.O.B...his name stands for Rosebud Snowballing Bareback.** _

"I do not think so. I believe my name stands for Robotic Operating Buddy, and I do not understand what Rosebud Snowballing Bareback seems to mean."

_**You know what?! F**k you and f**k everything that has to do with this show, I'm out of here!** _

The announcer then got up from his booth and stomped out of the studio, slamming the door behind him and leaving R.O.B. completely confused.

"I do not understand. What was that man all angry about? Was it something I said?"


	39. Snake

A certain stealth soldier sat in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Alright, I don't got all damn day for this."

_**Solid Snake...likes to listen to disco music.** _

"No, I don't. I hate disco music."

_**Oh, really? Then what is this?** _

The announcer then showed Snake a picture of someone dancing on a disco floor with his face plastered on it.

"What the hell am I looking at?"

_**That's you dancing on the disco!** _

"No, that's not me! You just took the cover to Saturday Night Fever and photoshopped my face on John Travolta!"

_**Now, why would I do that? Solid Snake...he likes to spend his nights going to the club and f**king some bitches.** _

"No, I don't. Why the hell would I waste my time going to clubs?"

_**And he is also a male stripper!** _

"Oh, that's complete bulls**t! Who the hell do you think you are for saying something as asinine as that?!"

_**Solid Snake...has invented a new dance move called the "Hit Me Baby One More Time".** _

"For the last time, I hate dancing! That's not even a creative name for a dance move! You just named it after the Britney Spears song!"

_**Would you like to show us how you do it?** _

"No! I ain't showing you s**t!"

_**Oh, come on! I've got the song ready and everything!** _

And then out of nowhere, Hit Me Baby One More Time started to play in the studio. Snake was beyond irritated and finally had enough.

"Okay, that does it. You are gonna pay for this, you little son of a bitch!"

_**Now you know the inventor of "Hit Me Baby One More Time" dance, Solid Snake!** _

"Oh, no you don't! I am not some kind of male stripper or disco freak! You know what? I just came up with my own move. I call it the 'You're F**king Dead'!" Snake shouted as he fired a missile right at the announcer and it exploded, causing the whole studio to collapse. Once the smoke cleared, he pulled himself out from under the rubble and sighed. "I don't why I even bothered coming here."


	40. Sonic

A certain blue hedgehog took his place in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Alright, this is gonna be interesting."

_**Sonic the Hedgehog...you're too slow!** _

"Okay, I don't think that's actually a fact. Everyone knows that I'm the fastest thing alive. Besides, I don't even say that anymore."

_**Sanic teh Hedgehag...gotta go FAAAAAAAAAST!** _

"Okay, are you seriously mocking me? First of all, that is not how you pronounce my name, and second, I don't go around yelling annoying stuff like that!"

_**Sanic teh Hedgehag...do u know da wae?** _

"Do I know what?! What is the way?!"

_**It's da wae of da hedgehag!** _

"Okay, is this story called 'Know Your Smashers' or 'The Announcer Acts Like a Complete Idiot'?! Aren't you gonna state actual facts about me and not spout out stupid nonsense?!"

_**Sanic teh Hedgehag...he has an incredibly stupid cousin named Dankey Kang!** _

"What?! I am not related to Donkey Kong, and it's shameful that you are mocking him as well!"

_**Now you know Sanic teh Hedgehag and Knuckles!** _

"Okay, that's it! I've had enough of this stupid show!" Sonic shouted as he got up from the seat and left the studio.

_**We've got that damn fourth Chaos Emerald! Now all we gotta do is find the computer room!** _

"Go find the computer room yourself! I ain't helping you!" Sonic snapped as he headed right out the door and slammed it behind him.


	41. Villager

A certain village boy was next up in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Uhh...who was that? Hello?"

_**Villager...he's a murderous psychopath.** _

"Wh-What?! I-I'm not a murderer! I don't just go around and kill people for no reason! Why does everyone think that?!"

_**Don't try to fool us with those innocent looks! We know what you're really hiding behind your mask!** _

"B-But I don't understand! Why do people think I'm evil?!"

_**Because you just are! Villager...uses his axe to chop off the heads of his victims and lick their fresh blood clean.** _

"What?! I use axes to cut down trees, not cutting people's heads off! And I hate blood! It makes me sick just looking at it!"

_**If you don't like to see blood, then what is this?** _

The announcer then threw an axe right by the legs of the seat, and Villager picked it up and was extremely horrified when he saw that the blade was completely covered in blood.

"Oh, my gosh! I just touched blood! I feel so dirty now!"

_**Aren't you happy that you got your hands dirty? Villager...a bunch of dead bodies were found stashed in his house and now he's gonna be charged for cold-blooded murder.** _

"Charged?! B-But I'm not a murderer! I'm just an ordinary, innocent kid! Why aren't you listening to-"

"There he is! It's the murderer!" Villager then looked to see a bunch of police officers surrounding him. "Be careful, boys! He could attack at any moment!" One of them warned.

"B-But wait, you don't understand! I'm not a murderer! This isn't my axe! This random man is accusing me of being a murderer!"

"Freeze and drop your weapon, psycho!" An officer shouted, and Villager quickly dropped the axe and threw his arms in the air.

_**Now you know the murderous psychopath, Villager!** _

"W-Wait, what are you doing?! I didn't do anything wrong! I-I never murdered anyone! I-I'm not psychotic, and I don't know why everyone is always-"

"Tell it to the judge, kid!" One of the officers snapped as two more handcuffed Villager and they all took him away.


	42. Mega Man

A certain blue robot sat in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Uh...hello? Who was that?"

_**Mega Man...is a robot porn star.** _

"Porn star? What even is a porn star?"

_**What is a porn star? That's what you are.** _

"No, I mean what is a porn star exactly? Aren't you actually going to tell me what a porn star is?"

_**Nope. Mega Man...is nicknamed the Blue Ball Buster.** _

"The Blue Ball Buster? What kind of nickname is that? That sounds like some kind of wrestler or something. What does that even mean?"

_**It means that you like to bust blue balls!** _

"That still doesn't tell me what that means!"

_**That's because I don't need to tell you. Mega Man...stared in his own robot porn movie!** _

"Wait, what? I was in a movie about something I don't even know?"

_**Would you like to take a look?** _

Before Mega Man could even answer, a TV screen turned on in front of him, which showed someone in an obviously fake costume getting it on with some random woman. Mega Man just watched in total confusion at what was going on, and by the time the movie was over, he just sat there beyond bewildered.

_**So? Did you like it?** _

"...I don't even know what just happened. Were those people wrestling or something?"

_**Now you know the super f**king robot, Mega Man the Blue Ball Buster!** _

"I-I don't understand. What was even going on? Can somebody please explain to me what was even going on in that movie? Anyone?"


	43. Wii Fit Trainer

A certain yoga trainer was up next in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Well, this should be interesting."

_**Wii Fit Trainer...she's a model for a Playboy magazine.** _

"Uh, no I am not. I am actually a yoga trainer. Besides, I don't really have a thing for  _that_  kind of stuff."

_**Hold on a minute, mistress. You're missing something important.** _

"What do you mean by-" Wii Fit Trainer began when something suddenly hit her at lightning speed, causing her to fall backwards and the seat to crash to the floor. When she got up, she saw that she was wearing a blue Playboy outfit, complete with bunny ears and fluffy tail.

"What the?! What did you just put on me?!"

_**Do you like it? It looks really great on you.** _

"This...This looks absolutely degrading!"

_**It looks absolutely sexy! Wii Fit Trainer...stars in pornographic exercise videos.** _

"Pornographic exercise videos? How exactly does that work? What is so sexual about exercising?"

_**What are you talking about? Everything about exercising is sexy, especially when you're doing it! Everyone just loves the way you move those glutes!** _

"Okay, that is just wrong and perverted on so many levels! I teach people how to stay fit, not to give them material to fap to!"

_**Sure you don't. Wii Fit Trainer...has slept with fifty different men.** _

"That is incredibly false! I've never slept with any men before, and even if I have, I've never done anything dirty with them!"

_**You must be one naughty little slut.** _

"Naughty little slut?! I am not a slut! I don't even know how this suit got on me in the first place!" Wii Fit Trainer tried to take the Playboy suit off her, but it wouldn't come off, almost as if it was stuck to her body. "Why won't this come off?!"

_**Now you know the naughty Playboy star, Wii Fit Trainer!** _

"No, you don't! I am not some kind of naughty star from some dumb old magazine! Who do you think you are for telling all of those bogus lies about me?! And can you please get this suit off of me?! Hello?!"


	44. Rosalina

A certain galactic goddess sat in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Uhh...what was that?"

_**Princess Rosalina...she's the president of Mexico.** _

"Uhh...no, I'm not. I'm actually the mother of the Lumas."

_**Well, Mexico definitely chose the right person to lead the country.** _

"What are you talking about? I don't really have the stuff to be a president."

_**Sure, you do. Princess Rosalina...is nicknamed 'La Perra Gorda'.** _

"La Perra Gorda? What does that even mean?"

_**It means that you are one fat bitch!** _

"Excuse me?! You did  _not_  just call me something as degrading and insulting as that!"

_**Did I do that? *giggles* La Perra Gorda...quieres construir una pared? [1]** _

"What did you just say? I couldn't understand. Could you please repeat that, but actually say it in English?"

_**Lo siento. No pude entender que tú hablabas. [2]** _

"What?! How could you not understand?! You were speaking English just a few seconds ago! Why can't you understand me now?!"

_**Ahorra conocen la presidente de Mexico, La Perra Gorda! [3]** _

"No, you don't! I'm not some president of some foreign country! This guy is all wrong! What were you even doing stating all of these false facts about me?! Hello?!"

_**[1]- The Fat Bitch...do you want to build a wall?** _

_**[2]- I'm sorry. I could not understand what you were saying.** _

_**[3]- Now you know the president of Mexico, The Fat Bitch!** _


	45. Little Mac

A certain boxer was next up in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Uhh...who was that?"

_**Little Mac...is a meth addict midget.** _

"Midget?! Did you just call me a midget?!"

_**Yes. Yes, I did.** _

"Do you know how offensive of a term that is?! It's completely insulting to call short people that! And about me being a meth addict, that's completely untrue!"

_**Alright, no need to get your panties in a bunch. Little Mac...once broke into a meth lab.** _

"What?! No, I didn't! I just told you that I'm not addicted to meth!"

_**And he managed to steal $50,000 worth of meth!** _

"That's not true! I've never broken into any kind of drug lab and stole drugs!"

_**Sure, you didn't. Little Mac...in five seconds the cops are gonna come and beat his midget ass for breaking into a meth lab.** _

"Wait, what?! The cops are gonna come and beat me?! I didn't even do anything!"

_**There he is, boys! It's the meth-head midget right here!** _

Before Little Mac could protest, two cops suddenly burst into the studio and started beating him up.

"Hey-ow-what do you think you're doing?! Why are you beating me up?! I didn't break into any meth lab and stole drugs, I swear!"

_**Now you know the meth addict midget, Little Mac!** _

"Wait a minute, guys! This guy is lying! He's stating all these false facts about me to convince you that I'm a meth addict! And can you stop calling me a midget?!"

While Little Mac was yelling at the announcer, one of the cops swung their baton and hit him right between his legs. He screamed in pain and fell to the floor holding his crotch in agony.


	46. Greninja

A certain ninja frog Pokémon sat in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"What is this place? Who was that?"

_**Greninja...he's secretly gay.** _

"No, I'm not. I am pretty sure I'm 100% straight, whatever that means."

_**See? You don't even know what being straight means!** _

"Yeah, I do! It means...being attracted to lines! I mean, what's the deal with circles? Why don't they have lines? What kind of conspiracy is that?!"

_**You really just don't get it, do you? Greninja...writes gay fanfiction about the Smashers.** _

"Fanfiction? What's fanfiction? Is it some kind of wierd fan novel?"

_**And he also writes about him and Lucario getting it on!** _

"What?! Okay, I know that's not true! Lucario's my best friend, but that's it! We're not in some kind of...weird romance or anything like that!"

_**Sure, you don't. Greninja...gets turned on by male pregnancy.** _

"Really? I didn't know it was possible for men to have babies. Humans really are weird."

_**It's not as weird as all of your other fetish fics.** _

"This man is getting kind of annoying." Greninja muttered, and then he looked over to a corner of the room and pointed to it. "Hey, what's that over there?! It's a flying bathtub with a mustache!"

_**No, there isn't. There's no way I'm falling for that.** _

"No, really! There is a flying bathtub, look!"

_***Groans* Fine!** _

The announcer looked to where Greninja was pointing, but just as he thought, there was no flying bathtub with a mustache.

_**Damn frog tricked me.** _

The announcer then looked back to the chair, but Greninja wasn't in the seat. In his place was a Substitute doll.

_**What the?! Where did you go?!** _

The announcer frantically looked around the studio until he felt someone tap his shoulder and he turned around.

_**Hello? What the hell do you-** _

"SURPRISE, MOTHERF**KER!" Greninja shouted as he kicked the announcer right in the face, causing him to fall out of his booth and onto the floor.

_**What the hell are you doing?!** _

Greninja pinned the announcer to the ground and tied his arms and legs behind his back, and then he stood up and grabbed the microphone on the booth. "Now you know the most awesomest ninja in the entire universe, Greninja!" he announced as he made a ninja pose.

_**What are you doing with my microphone?! Untie me this instant!** _

The announcer continued to demand Greninja to release him, but the ninja frog released a smoke bomb on the ground and then disappeared into the shadows.


	47. Palutena

A certain green-haired goddess took their place in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Okaaay, don't know what that was all about."

_**Palutena...she's the Goddess of Pot.** _

"You're kidding, right?" Palutena laughed as if it was some kind of silly joke. "I'm actually the Goddess of Light. Why would I be the Goddess of Pot? That's just silly."

_**Palutena...her hair is made of marijuana.** _

"Uhh...no it isn't. I don't think my hair is made of marijuana."

_**If it isn't made of pot, then why is your hair green then?** _

"I don't really know. I guess the designers just made it that way." Palutena shrugged.

_**Oh, they did, did they? Palutena...sleeps with twenty different men.** _

"WHAT?! That is completely false! I don't sleep with anyone, especially not with twenty different men!"

_**...Are you sure about that? Are you sure you're not just high from smoking all those joints you made out of your hair?** _

"Ex-CUSE me?! Look mister, I don't know who you think you are, but you do  _not_  insult a lady like that!"

_**I'm sorry ma'am, but it's my job to insult you.** _

Palutena stared at the announcer with shock on her face. "What did you just call me?"

_**Do I need to repeat myself, MA'AM?** _

That did it for Palutena. She started breathing heavily in anger, and she got up from the seat. "No one ever calls me ma'am!" Palutena growled as she summoned her staff and shone a bright light right in the announcer's eyes.

_**Now you know the slutty Goddess of Pot, Paluten-AAAAAAAHHH! MY EYES! THEY'RE BURNING! OH GOD, MAKE IT STOP!** _

The announcer fell out of his booth and started rolling around on the ground in agony, putting his hands over his eyes to try to stop the burning.

"That's what you get for pissing off a lady!" Palutena snapped, and then shook her head and sighed. "I'm out of here." She then turned around and left the studio, leaving the announcer to roll around on the ground in pain.

_**AH, GOD! SOMEBODY HELP ME! MY EYES! THEY'RE MELTING! THEY'RE MELTING!** _


	48. Dark Pit

A certain dark-winged doppelgänger was next up in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"What the hell am I doing here?"

_**Dark Pit...likes being called Pittoo.** _

"No, I do not! I completely, positively, 100% h-a-t-e that nickname!"

_**Oh, come on! It's a great name!** _

"No, it's not! That name is just stupid and degrading!"

_**Whatever you say. Pittoo...is secretly a Brony.** _

"What?! You can't possibly be serious! Why the hell would you think I like a show about stupid talking ponies?!"

_**What are you talking about? My Little Pony is the perfect show for you!** _

"No, it's not! That's a show that's made for little girls!"

_**And also grown-ass men like you. Pittoo...wants to bang the f**k out of Twilight Sparkle!** _

"You can't be s**ting me right now. WHY THE F**K WOULD YOU THINK THAT I WOULD WANT TO DO IT WITH A GODDAMN PONY?!"

_**Oh, come on. You know how absolutely sexy their "plots" are, if ya know what I mean!** _

"Oh, that does it, mister! I'm gonna f**king kill you!"

_**Now you know the perverted Brony, Pittoo!** _

"I don't think so!" Dark Pit snapped as he took out his staff and got up from the seat.

_**Wait, what are you doing?** _

"You asked for this!" Dark Pit shouted as he pointed his staff right at the announcer's head and shot it clean off. The announcer's headless body then fell out of the booth and onto the floor, where blood started to pool around it. "That stupid bastard. Why did I even bother coming here?"


	49. Pac-Man

A certain yellow ghost eater took his place in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Oh, hi! This is gonna be pretty fun."

_**Pac-Man...he is a cannibal.** _

"Uh...No, I'm not. I don't eat other members of my kind."

_**No wonder why there aren't many Pac-Men left, because you ate them all!** _

"What?! No, I didn't! I would never do that!"

_**Sure you wouldn't. Pac-Man...loves the taste of fresh blood and flesh.** _

"No, I don't! I don't like that stuff! Blood is disgusting, and flesh is gross too!"

_**Oh, come on, you know you absolutely love the taste of thick, metallic blood and soft, chewy flesh!** _

"Ew, you've just made it sound even nastier!"

_**I made it sound more tastier. Pac-Man...killed his own family by eating them.** _

"What?! No, I didn't! My family is still alive and they're happy! Look, I can show it to you!" Pac-Man got up from the seat and showed the announcer a picture of him and his family together.

_**That picture must've been taken moments before tragedy struck.** _

"N-No, it didn't! We took this picture just last week! The wife and kids are doing just fine!"

_**Now you know the murderous cannibal, Pac-Man!** _

"N-No, you don't!"

_**Yes, you do!** _

"I-I'm telling you, I'm not a cannibal! I've never eaten another one of my kind, and especially not my family! Why are you even telling all these lies about me?! Hello?! Are you even there?! Hello?!"


	50. Robin

A certain tactician who was also the leader of the Smashers sat in the hot seat reading a book.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Oh, is it time now?" Robin asked as he looked up from his book, and then he put it away and readied himself. "Alright, I am ready for...whatever this is."

_**Robin...he is 85 years old.** _

"Um...no, I am not. I am actually 22 years old."

_**If you're not an old man, then why is your hair white? Are you going through premature hair whitening?** _

"No, I do not think so. My hair has always been white, ever since I was delivered. Just because my hair is white does not mean that I have canities or anything. It is just the way it is colored, I suppose."

_**Alrighty then. Robin...has sexual relations with his sister.** _

"WHAT?! You are accusing ME of incest?! Well, I do not mean to be rude or anything, but I am most certainly not having any sort of sexual interactions with anyone,  _especially_  my own sister!"

_**Oh, come on. You love your sister so much, you would do anything with her! Even sex!** _

"Yes, I do love my sister more than anything, but it is not a romantic type of love! There is a distinct contrast between familial love and romantic love! Besides, Reflet is still a bit too young to be doing any sort of sexual activity! She is just a child!"

_**Robin...look out.** _

"Look out?" Robin asked in confusion, and then looked around the studio, but he didn't see anything unusual. "Look out for wh-" Suddenly, he was hit right in the face with a big potato, causing him and the seat to fall backwards and crash onto the floor. As he fell, he hit his head on the floor and his eyes became swirly and stars began to circle around his head.

_**I made you look! How does that make you feel, Robin?** _

"Oh...I see pretty lights! Pretty lights dancing all around me! S-So pretty!" Robin moaned dazedly.

_**Now you know the 85 year old incestor, Robin!** _

"N-Now wait just a minute, mister!" Robin snapped out of his daze and quickly sat up. "Just what do you think you are ?! What nerve do you think you have for telling these obvious lies about me?! I am not 85 years old, and I do not have sexual relations with my sister! I do not know who you think you are, and I demand you to apologize for-" Robin was then hit on the head with another potato, and then he fell backwards onto the floor again and completely passed out.

_**That oughta get him to shut up.** _


	51. Reflet

A certain young female tactician was next in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Um...hello? Who was that?"

_**Reflet...she is a lesbian.** _

"Um...no, I'm not. I've never been really...attracted to any other girls before."

_**You don't really know much about sex, do you?** _

"No, not really. Robin never let me do anything that is related to sex, and he still won't let me now. He always said that it's because it's too risqué for me, whatever that means."

_**Well, okay then. Reflet...won the award for Lesbian of the Year.** _

"Um...didn't I just tell you that I'm not a lesbian?"

_**No, you just told me that you are the greatest lesbian.** _

"No, I did not! I-I'm telling you! I'm not a lesbian! I've haven't even had my first kiss! Why aren't you listening to me?!"

_**Because I don't listen to lesbians. Reflet...created a bunch of sex tapes with her and other women.** _

"What?! No, I didn't! I would never do anything like that! Robin would be really mad if he ever heard something like that!"

_**And Robin just found out about the sex tapes and he would REALLY like to have a word with you.** _

"W-Wait, what?!"

Just then, the door burst open and Robin came into the studio, and he looked extremely furious. Reflet cowered in fear as her older brother stomped over to the seat to give her the ultimate scolding.

"Reflet, what on earth were you doing engaging in such sexual acts with other women?!" Robin asked in shock and anger, which caused Reflet to whimper a little. Whenever Robin was angry, he was  _really_  angry.

"R-Robin, p-please listen to me! I-I didn't do any sex tapes with anyone! Th-This guy is lying! P-Please don't punish me for something I didn't even do!" Reflet begged, looking like she was about to cry.

Robin was about to scold Reflet again, but then stopped when he realized something. He looked around and quickly recognized the place and remembered that this was the studio with the voice that told lies about him too. This was the exact same guy that knocked him out with a potato in the last chapter for Naga's sake! Robin looked over at his crying sister and got an extremely worried look on his face. "Oh, Reflet. I am so sorry for scolding you for something you did not commit. I should have known you were going to end up in this place."

"You're...You're not gonna punish me?" Reflet asked as she wiped her nose.

"What are you talking about, Reflet? Of course I am not going to punish you. You see, I have been in this exact same studio before, and about the voice that has been telling all of these lies about you, just do not listen to what he says. Now, come on, Reflet. How about we go home?"

"Okay, Big Brother." Reflet nodded as she and her brother walked out of the studio, leaving the announcer completely bewildered.

_**...What the hell was that?** _


	52. Lucina

A certain time-traveling princess took their place in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Alright, I don't have all day for this."

_**Lucina...learned to be a slut when she was only 8 years old.** _

"Excuse me?! Did you just call me a slut?!"

_**Yes, I did. You got a problem with that?** _

"Yes, I do! You don't call someone something as offensive and derogatory as that!"

_**Alright, whatever. Lucina...has a whole collection of sex toys.** _

"That is completely false! I do not have any kind of-" Lucina began when she suddenly felt something hit her on the top of her head. After rubbing her head in pain, she looked down to see something lying on the ground, and she picked it up and blushed upon seeing what it was. It was a vibrating dark blue dildo, which was blurred out for very obvious reasons. "What is this?"

_**That's a nice big dildo I found in your drawer.** _

"This isn't mine! I don't have anything like this!"

_**Sure it isn't. Lucina...engages in sexual activities with her father.** _

"WHAT?! Okay, that is just wrong on so many levels! I would never do anything like that with my own father!"

_**Oh, come on. You know you love your father so much that you'd do anything for him.** _

"Yes, I do love my father, but we would never do anything like that! Ever!"

_**Now you know the slut that likes to do it with her father, Lucina!** _

"Oh, no you do not! Who do you think you are for saying all these lies about me?! I am NOT a slut and I do NOT do any sort of sexual acts with me father! Hello?! Are you even listening to me?!"


	53. Shulk

A certain Monado boy sat in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Uhh...who was that?"

_**Shulk...** _

_**...** _

_**...** _

"Um...aren't you gonna say something?"

_**...I'M REALLY FEELING IT!** _

"Seriously? That's it? That's all you were going to say?"

_**Shulk...this is the Monahdo's powah!** _

"What is even going on? Why are you saying my lines? And what's with the fake accent? Are you mocking me?"

_**Shulk...what time is it?** _

"Uhh...I don't know. Why are you asking?"

_**Because now it's Shulk time!** _

"Okay seriously, what is this? Aren't you supposed to be saying actual facts about me and not just saying weird nonsense?"

_**Shulk...he's too stupid to actually understand English.** _

"What?! What kind of fact is that?! I'm not stupid! I can understand English very well!"

_**If ya know English so well, then why can't you speak it correctly?** _

"What's wrong with the way I talk?! It's just an accent! What would it matter about the way I say words?"

_**Now you know Shalk tha stupid Monahdo boi!** _

"N-No you don't! Who are you and why are you saying all those lies about me?! Why were you making fun of my accent?! Hello?! Can you hear me?! Hello?!"


	54. Bowser Jr.

A certain Koopa kid was next up in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"That's right! It's my turn in the seat!"

_**Bowser Jr...has a secret stash of porn movies.** _

"No I don't, buddy! I don't have that kind of stuff! What's porn?"

_**Exactly. You don't even know what porn is, do you?** _

"Wait, yeah I do! It's all that 'grown up stuff' that Daddy won't let me see!"

_**Bowser Jr...watches the porn movies behind his father's back.** _

"No, I don't! My daddy would kill me if he ever sees me with that stuff! This isn't fair! You're supposed to be saying cool facts about me!"

_**Bowser Jr...Bowser found out about your little stash and now he wants to have a VERY serious talk with you.** _

"No, please! Not my daddy!"

Suddenly, the door burst down and stomping into the studio was Bowser looking extremely furious. Junior cowered under the seat, expecting his father to give him the ultimate yelling, but when he came over to him, he looked surprisingly calm.

"Son..."

"Y-Yes, Daddy?"

"I just have one thing to ask you. WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING WATCHING PORN?!" Bowser asked angrily, causing the seat to fly away.

"I-I never did anything like that, Daddy! This guy was saying all these lies about me and that's not fair! Why are you listening to that big doo doo-head?!"

Suddenly, a screen suddenly turned on from behind them and it turned out to be actual porn, which only made Bowser even angrier.

_**Now you know the porn hoarder, Bowser Jr.!** _

"Daddy, please listen! It's not what it looks like! That TV wasn't there when I got here! I'm getting outta here!" Junior quickly jumped into his Clown Car and began to speed away, not wanting to face his father's wrath.

"Where do you think you're going?! You come back here right now!" Bowser roared as he began to chase after his son.


	55. Duck Hunt

A certain dog and duck duo were next up in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

The dog and duck both nodded in response.

_**Duck Hunt Dog...really freakin' hates ducks.** _

The dog and duck looked at each other in confusion. What kind of bogus fact was that? They were really the best of friends!

_**Duck Hunt Dog...has killed over 500 ducks, including your own brothers.** _

The duck shot a look at the dog, who only shrugged and grinned sheepishly.

_**Don't believe me? Here, I'll show you.** _

Several bodies of dead ducks then landed on the floor. The duck was shocked at this and got even angrier.

_**Duck Hunt Dog...the duck wants revenge on you for killing his brothers.** _

Before either could react, the announcer threw a shotgun right in front of the seat. They stared at it for a long moment in silence.

_**Oh, come on, don't be shy, duck. I know you want to grab that gun and give that ruthless, s**t-eating bastard what he deserves.** _

The duck then flew over to the shotgun. It managed to grab it with its wings and pointed it at the with a smug look on its face. The dog's eyes widened and he knew right at that moment that he was screwed.

_*BANG!*_

A bullet shot right through one of the legs of the seat and it cause the whole thing to collapse. The dog quickly got up and began to run for his life as the duck chased him with the shotgun.

_**Now you know the ruthless, s**t-eating bastard, the Duck Hunt Dog!** _

And with that, the announcer then took out a bucket of popcorn and put on 3D glasses as he watched the duck continue to try to shoot the dog with the shot gun.


	56. Ryu

A certain street fighter was next in the hot seat

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Alright, let's get this over with."

_**Ryu...he is K.O.'s long lost dad.** _

"I'm who's dad?"

_**You know, K.O., your son?** _

"I don't know what you're talking about! I don't even have a son!"

_**Sure, you don't. Ryu...left his wife and son because he's a total p***y.** _

"What?! I did not! I just said don't have a wife or son or anything!"

_**Ryu...your son has finally found you.** _

"Wait, what?"

Suddenly, the door to the studio burst open and a boy with tall brown hair and a red headband came in. He gasped upon seeing Ryu in the seat and he put his hands on his cheeks as stars formed in his eyes.

"Daddy, is...is that you?" K.O. asked, and then squealed like a little girl as he ran over to Ryu and hugged him tightly, much to his confusion. "Oh Daddy, I thought I'd never see you!"

"Who the hell are you?" Ryu asked in confusion.

_**Now you know K.O.'s long lost dad, Ryu!** _

"Look kid, I'm not your dad! I think this weird announcer guy has me confused for someone else or something!"

"Wheee! Give me a piggyback, Daddy!" K.O. exclaimed as he jumped on Ryu's shoulders.

* * *

 

_**Note: For those of you that don't know, K.O. is from a show called OK K.O.! Let's Be Heroes.** _


	57. Cloud

A certain spiky-haired swordsman sat in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"What the hell is this place?"

_**Cloud Strife...he is a clown.** _

"No, I'm not. What the hell makes you think I'm a clown?"

_**Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's the fact that you dressed up as a girl once.** _

"What the hell are you talking about?! What the hell does that have to do with being a clown?!"

_**You tell me. Cloud Strife...has a deranged Spanish-speaking alter ego.** _

"No, I don't! Why the hell would I-" Cloud began when he was suddenly hit in the back of the head with a potato, causing him to fall off the seat and onto the floor. After lying there for a few moments, he groaned as he got up and looked around completely confused. "¿Dónde estoy? (Where am I?)"

_**Ha, I knew it! You do have a deranged Spanish-speaking alter ego!** _

Cloud was completely confused by the mysterious voice. "¡¿Quién estás?! ¡¿Dónde estás?! (Who are you?! Where are you?!)"

_**I ain't telling you. El Bobo...** _

"¡¿Discúlpeme?! ¡Yo no soy un bobo! ¡Yo soy La Tormenta! (Excuse me?! I am not a clown! I am The Storm!)"

_**Whatever. La Tormenta...I have your precious Kamui.** _

"¿Mi señorita? (My young lady?)" Cloud asked, and he frantically looked around the studio, but he couldn't see his love anywhere. "¡¿Dónde está mi señorita?! (Where is my young lady?!)"

_**I have her in my bedroom in the back.** _

Upon hearing that, Cloud instantly became furious. "¡Tú burro! ¡Tú no tocas mi amor! (You donkey! You don't take my love!)"

_**Now you know the deranged Spanish freak, Cloud Strife aka El Cloudo aka El Bobo!** _

"Ya te he dicho. Me. Llamo. La. ¡Tormenta! (I already told you. My. Name. Is. The. Storm!)" Cloud shouted as he kicked the announcer right in between the legs, causing him to fall over while screaming like a little girl, and then he quickly ran towards the back of the studio. "¡No te preocupes, mi amor! ¡Yo te rescataré! (Don't worry, my love! I will save you!)"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: In case you don't know, Cloud having a Spanish-speaking alter-ego named La Tormenta is something that I completely made up for Smashed Together, and when he becomes La Tormenta he completely forgets about who he is as Cloud, except for his love for Kamui (aka female Corrin).


	58. Corrin

A certain dragon prince took his place in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Well, this should be interesting."

_**Cornman of Porkshido...** _

"Umm...actually, my name is Corrin of Hoshido."

_**What?** _

"You know, Corrin of Hoshido? That's my title."

_**Oh, is that right? Okay, sorry about that. Let's try that again. Cornsnack of Dorkshido...** _

"Um...didn't I just tell you what my name was?"

_**Oh, I'm sorry. I have short-term memory loss, which makes me forget names easily.** _

"Are you sure about that?" Corrin asked suspiciously.

_**Absolutely positive. C**kring of F**kshido...** _

"Okay, is this some kind of joke?! Because if it is, it's not funny! I keep telling you what my name really is and you keep forgetting it!"

_**I just told you I have short-term memory loss!** _

"Are you really sure that you have short-term memory loss, because I have a feeling that you're lying."

_**Why would I be lying?** _

"Umm, I don't know, because I feel like you're saying my name wrong on purpose."

_**Alright, alright, I'll get your name right this time, I promise.** _

"Do you really?"

_**Yes, I do. Corrin of Hoshido...** _

"Yes, that's right!" Corrin smiled, but before the announcer could say a fact about him, a buzzer went off.

_**Oh, sorry. That's my mother. I've gotta go in like two seconds.** _

"Aw, do you really?"

_**Now you know Cornman, or Cornsnack, or C**kring of Porkshido, or Dorkshido, or F**kshido!** _

"For the last time, my real name is Corrin of Hoshido!"

_**Oh, yeah, right. You know, I'm gonna be honest with you, man. I don't actually have short-term memory loss. I was just lying about that and I was purposely messing up your name just to screw with you.** _

"Why?! Why would you do that?!"

_**Because I'm the Know Your Smashers announcer, buddy!** _

"I don't believe this! Why would you pretend to get my name wrong just to trick me?! Hello?! Are you there?! Can you hear me?! Hello?!"


	59. Kamui

A certain dragon princess was next up in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Oh, hi!" Kamui greeted as she waved to the camera. "I'm so excited for this!"

_**Kamui...absolutely hates animals.** _

"Um, no I don't! I love animals! They're the most precious creatures in the world!"

_**If you think that their so precious then why do you hate them?** _

"What's that even supposed to mean?"

_**...I don't even know. Kamui...likes to skin animals alive and sell their fur.** _

"What?! No, i don't! I would never do anything like that to precious animals!"

_**Oh yeah, then what is this?** _

Before Kamui could react, the announcer threw something at her and she looked at the object and gasped when she saw that it was a hat made out of a squirrel pelt.

"Oh, my gods! What did you do to this poor squirrel?!"

_**What did I do to it? What did YOU do to it?** _

"B-But I didn't so this! I didn't kill this innocent squirrel and turned it into a hat!"

_**Sure you didn't. Kamui...look up.** _

"Wh-Why should I do that?"

_**Just do it.** _

Kamui was certain that this would be a trick, but she looked up. As soon as she did, she was suddenly splashed with a wave of red that engulfed her whole body. The dark red liquid completely stained her silver armor, and some of it even got in her hair.

"Wh-What the?! What the heck did you put on me?!"

_**Now you know the animal murderer, Kamui!** _

"N-No, you don't! I-I'm not an animal murderer!" Kamui protested, and then she looked at the giant red stains all over her body. "Oh no, it's in my hair too! It's gonna take forever for this paint to wash off!"

_**Oh, that's not paint that's on you.** _

"B-But, i-if it's not paint, then...wh-what is it?"

_**It's 100% fresh animal blood from all of the poor, innocent critters you slaughtered.** _

Upon hearing that, Kamui shivered in fear, and then she started to smell the blood on her body, and then she let out a blood-curdling scream. After nearly losing her voice from the screaming, she then fell to the floor and started sobbing.

_**That's what you get for being an animal murdered.** _

Kamui stayed there trembling and sobbing, but then she stopped, and she looked up at the announcer with fire literally burning in her eyes. If I were the announcer, I would be getting the hell out of here.

_**What the hell are you doing?** _

"You...don't ever...accuse me...of being...AN ANIMAL MURDERER!" Kamui screamed as she went into full-on dragon-rage mode. Her body turned bright blue and she transformed into her mighty dragon form. She then grabbed the announcer and dragged him offscreen where she proceeded to do all sorts of horrible things to him. After a few moments of very graphic s**t that would be too terrifying to actually show, Kamui returned to her normal form and then left the studio as she returned to her usual happy self. Well, she still was a bit upset with the blood all over her body, but she knew that she wouldn't have to deal with that bastard ever again.


	60. Bayonetta

A certain Umbra Witch was next in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Alright, let's get this game started."

_**Bayonetta...she is a distant relative of Marilyn Monroe.** _

"No, I'm not. I'm nowhere near related to that slut of an actress."

_**No need to be so negative about it. Some just like it hot if you know what I mean.** _

"Say that to me again and I'll give you a seven year itch in your asshole!"

_**Like you really would. Bayonetta...has had sex with every guy in the Smash Mansion and has had children from them.** _

"Really?! Look, that is not true! I've never had sex with anyone at the Smash Mansion, especially that stupid angel!"

_**Good lord, girl! Haven't you ever heard of condoms?** _

"Yes, I have! Stop insulting me with these completely bulls**t facts!"

_**Only doing my job. Bayonetta...her children are freaky alien hybrids.** _

"Now, what kind of fact is that? I'm pretty sure that none of the men you mentioned are even aliens."

_**Well, I'd imagine them being aliens because of all of the men you had sex with.** _

"That's not how sex works, you dumbass! Who the hell hired you to be..." Bayonetta began, but then she got an idea and a wide grin spread on her face. "You know what? I have a wicked idea. How about I say some facts about  _you_?"

_***Gasps* You wouldn't DARE!** _

"Oh, yes I would! The Know Your Smashers Announcer...is a literal s**t-head."

_**Really? That's the best you got? That's like the most juvenile insult you could possibly throw at me!** _

"Oh, really? Are you sure that someone didn't just s**t you out into existence after eating too much Taco Bell?"

_**Yes, I'm sure! I was born like every other human being was! And don't you dare insult Taco Bell!** _

"Taco Bell taste like s**t anyway. The Know Your Smashers Announcer...steals money from homeless people and spends it all on booze and pot."

_**What?! No, I don't! What kind of sick, heartless person would do that?!** _

"You, that's who! The Know Your Smashers Announcer...is about to meet his doom by Gomorrah!"

_**No, please! Don't do it, I'm begging you! Don't kill me! I-I promise I won't tell lies about anyone again! I'll give every homeless person a hundred dollars, just please don't kill me!** _

"Well, all I can say is that your death will truly be...SMASHING!" Bayonetta shouted as she used her Witch Time to slow down the announcer and then created a portal and summoned the Infernal Demon Gomorrah. "Come and get him, Gomorrah! He's all yours!"

Upon hearing that, Gomorrah grabbed the helpless announcer with his mouth and began chewing on him violently like a dog playing with a chew toy. Blood and guts splattered everywhere as the announcer's body was reduced to nothing but a mangled and bloody mess. After a few moments, Gomorrah took the now dead announcer with him into the portal and then they disappeared.

Bayonetta grinned as she saw all the blood on the floor, and decided to end it off. "Now you know...the Know Your Smashers Announcer. He will surely be missed."


	61. Young Link

A certain young Hylian sat in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Um...hello? What is this place?"

_**Young Link...likes to choke chickens.** _

"Uhh...no, I don't. Don't you know how evil Cuccos are?!"

_**I'm not talking about those chickens.** _

"Well, if you're not talking about Cuccos, then what are you talking about then?"

_**Oh, I think you know. Young Link...has a house full of c**ks.** _

"No, I don't! I don't even know what you mean by that!"

_**Yes, you do.** _

"No, I don't! What could you possibly mean that I have a bunch of...you know, but you don't even mean Cuccos?!"

_**You know damn well what I mean!Young Link...who let the c**ks out?** _

"What? Who let what out?"

_**I did.** _

Before Young Link knew it, a bunch of crazy chickens came out of nowhere and started attacking him.

"O-Ow, h-hey, what gives?! I thought you said you weren't talking about Cuccos!"

_**Now you know the keeper of c**ks, Young Link!** _

"Y-You're nothing but a big, fat liar, you know that?!" Young Link asked as the Cuccos continued attacking him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now, I know what you may be wondering. Why didn't I do Young Link when I did the other Melee newcomers? Well, the reason for that is that he doesn't actually live at the Smash Mansion anymore. You see, in the Smashed Together universe, whenever a Smasher is cut from a tournament, then they can choose to either stay at the mansion or go back to their old home. Young Link is the only one that ever left the Smash Mansion when he got cut from Brawl Tournament, and when he left the whole Subspace Emissary event happened and some very complicated stuff happened with the Nintendo worlds. Since then the Smashers never really knew what happened to Young Link as he never came back to the mansion after that, but it looks like he's alive and well (Well, maybe not so much after he just got attacked by Cuccos).
> 
> And another thing, there's a bunch of other characters that I want to do before I get to the Smash Switch characters, which are going to be Squirtle, Ivysaur, Charizard, and the palette swap characters Alph and the Koopalings (Yes, I'm gonna do all of them).


	62. Squirtle

A certain tiny turtle Pokémon was next in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Uhh...hello? Was that a ghost?"

_**Squirtle...is really into human females.** _

"Uhh...okay, that's just...wierd. If it were female Pokémon, then maybe it won't, but humans? Red said that the romantic chemistry between human and Pokémon don't mix, whatever that means."

_**Ah, don't worry about what your trainer told you. Squirtle...watches lots of harem anime.** _

"Harem? What's harem? Is it where you get to eat all kinds of weird stuff like in those food shows that Charizard watches? If it is, then that's something I'd like to watch!"

_**And he wishes that one day he could star in his own harem!** _

"Wow, being in a food show would be so awesome!"

_**I know, right? Squirtle...your wish has come true! There's gonna be a harem anime staring you!** _

"Really?!"

_**Yep. Here comes the ladies.** _

Before Squirtle knew it, a bunch of human females came into the studio and surrounded him, much to his confusion.

"Uhh...what's going on? This isn't exactly what I had in mind with this harem stuff."

_**Now you know the soon-to-be harem star, Squirtle!** _

"Uhh...is there any food around here?" Squirtle asked when one of the ladies picked him up.

"Aw, you're such a cute little squirt!"

"What are you doing with him?! He's mine!" another girl snapped.

"Nuh-uh! I had him first! He's going to be my fun cuddle turtle!"

"Say what?" Squirtle asked as the ladies took him out of the studio.


	63. Ivysaur

A certain plant Pokémon was next in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Uhh...who's there? Hello?"

_**Ivysaur...is known as the Weed Pokémon.** _

"Uhh...no, I'm not. I think I'm actually known as the Seed Pokémon, with an 'S'."

_**Nah, it says right here in the Pokédex that you are the Weed Pokémon.** _

"Really, because I'm not so sure about that."

_**Don't believe me? Here, I'll show you.** _

The announced then showed Ivysaur a Pokédex entry for his species. He looked closer and noticed that the first letter was crossed out and a 'W' was written over it, making it spell out Weed Pokémon.

"That is 100% fake! You just crossed out the 'S' and wrote a 'W' over it!"

_**I didn't do that. Ivysaur...his special move is called Weed Bomb.** _

"No, I think you mean Seed Bomb. And I don't even know that move!"

_**No, I meant the move where you throw bombs of cannabis at people.** _

"That's not even a real move, and I know that for a fact!"

_**Ivysaur...can release an aroma that makes people high.** _

"What?! What kind of nonsense is that?!"

_***Sniffs* Ah, I think I can feel that sweet marijuana filling up my nostrils!** _

"What are you talking about?! I can't make you high by releasing an aroma!"

_**Now you know the Weed Pokémon that can make you high, Ivysaur!** _

"No, you don't!"

_**Yes, you do!** _

"No, you don't! I'm telling you, I'm not a Pokémon that's in any way associated with weed! Who do you think you are for saying all those lies about me?! Hello?! Are you listening to me?!"


	64. Charizard

A certain Fire/Flying-type Pokémon was next in the hot seat.

_**Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...Know Your Smashers...** _

"Alright, let's do this."

_**Charizard...was born a hillbilly.** _

"Uhh...no, I wasn't. I'm pretty sure I was born a Charmander."

_**A hillbilly Charmander.** _

"What are you trying to say?"

_**I'm trying to say that you're a hillbilly. Charizard...has created a new pie called the Chartail.** _

"Chartail? What's that? I don't know what that is, but it sounds delicious. Actually, I could go for some pie right now."

_**Oh, it's delicious, alright. Charizard...likes drivin' trucks into buildings.** _

"Driving trucks into buildings? Do you really think I'm-" Charizard began, when an idea came to his mind. "Wait a minute. I just got an idea." He then got up from the seat and left the studio before the announcer noticed.

_**Now you know the hillbilly dragon who's not even really a dragon, Charizard! Wait, where did he go?** _

Before the announcer could figure out where Charizard went, there was suddenly a loud honk of a horn and then a giant truck came crashing right into the studio where he was and completely ran him over. The driver of the truck was none other than Charizard, who stopped when he felt him run over the announcer and looked down to see nothing but a puddle of blood below him.

"Whelp, looks like he's roadkill now." Charizard then put on a trucker's hat and continued to drive the truck around the studio, constantly running over things and crashing into walls as he did.


End file.
